Emotions can be big and scary to young children. They do not have any coping skills or life experience to draw on to put things in perspective. The caretakers in children’s lives have a responsibility to explore children’s feelings and teach them how to get a handle on them. Being able to deal appropriately with one’s emotions is key to success in school, relationships, and life in general. Here are some ideas on how to explore the world of feelings with your children.

Music

Music is an emotional experience, whether playing or listening. Try playing different CDs and ask your children what kind of emotion the music seems to be expressing. Using whatever instrument is available – piano, recorder, drums, harmonica, etc. – ask your child to play a song that represents a certain emotion. Make it a game – write down different emotions on slips of paper and let your child draw one at a time out of a hat.

Art

Putting your feelings onto paper or into clay can be very therapeutic. Encourage your child to tell you about his or her artwork – why pointed shapes? Why red or why green? You can ask your child to express a certain feeling with paints or crayons, or ask him or her to choose a feeling and illustrate it. Another artistic exercise is to have your children draw different facial expressions.

With “The Feelings Playing Cards” drawn by Pulitzer Prize- Winning Cartoonist Jim Borgman. Children become familiar with 30 different feelings as they play these fun card games

Role Playing

Sometimes, it’s easier to express yourself through another character – it feels safer. Putting on a play can be great fun; it won’t feel like emotional education! As you discuss the role, you can discuss the feelings the character is meant to portray, and how they can do that.

Kimochi is Japanese for feeling. Each interactive Kimochi has a pouch to store its feelings, felt cushions in bright colors with a facial expression on one side and the name of the emotion on the other side. Children learn by placing the cushion that best matches their feelings into their Kimochi and sharing the experience. The process calms, comforts and instills confidence.

Build Vocabulary

Give your young child the words to describe what he or she is feeling. After all, your child can’t talk about feelings if he or she doesn’t know what they are called! If your child hears you openly discussing your feelings, this will help build his or her emotional vocabulary. Very young children will need help in naming their feelings – it can actually help calm a child down when his or her feelings are explained. Feelings are much more manageable when they have names.

Mood Rings

These pretty pieces of jewelry have been around since the 1970s and maybe before. As the different mood colors come up on the ring, talk about them. You don’t need to be serious or heavy-handed; just casually talk about things like why the mood ring has a particular color for a particular feeling (“Does black seem like an angry color to you?”). You could discuss a time when your child felt a certain feeling and how you handled it.

Reading Books

Most children’s books involve some kind of emotional experience among the characters. As you read books together, talk about how the characters feel, why, and how the illustrator portrayed those emotions in the illustrations. Your child will then be able to relate to the character – and how the character handled his or her feelings – when emotional situations come up. Your child can write his or her own stories, too.

Be willing to learn better ways to handle your kids’ feelings. As you become more open to discussing emotions, your children will end up pointing out (perhaps inadvertently) some ways you’ve handled their emotional moments that did not help. Listen to your kids and, together, work toward handling big feelings effectively.

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As parents of preschoolers or one who spends time with them, you may be at a loss for how to deal with preschool temper tantrums. Using the following ideas may give you the tools you need to deal with temper tantrums effectively and have a better behaved child, too.

Why do preschoolers have temper tantrums in the first place? You expect toddlers to have them when they’re unable to communicate their wants or needs, but preschoolers should be past that, shouldn’t they? Actually, understanding why a preschooler has tantrums can be the first step in knowing how to deal with them.

Preschoolers are toddlers with a year or more life behind them, so it’s not unusual for them to have tantrums for the same reasons. Those reasons include:

* Being tired due to too much activity
* Being hungry while on the go
* Not getting what they want when they want it
* Being angry or frustrated
* Feeling neglected and wanting attention
* Wanting to be able to do things for themselves but not being able to yet

How you handle temper tantrums now may play a large part in how your preschooler acts when he or she gets older. Incorrect handling could very well lead to behavior problems in the future. While having tantrums is a normal part of your preschooler’s development, how you choose to react and deal with them is entirely up to you.

No matter how embarrassing your preschooler acts in public, don’t give in to them. It’s important for them to learn that a melt down is not the way to get what they need and or want. You’ll also want to be sure to tell them you love them and you’re telling them “no” for a good reason.

Try to do your best to stay cool during this trying circumstance. Tell your child you understand they are frustrated, hungry, or tired. Ask them to calm down and help you decide how to work it out. They need to know you’ll listen and that you want to help them learn to deal with their own frustrations. If they calm down, give them a toy you brought from home to distract them until you can finish what you’re doing.

You can model good behavior for them by not losing your cool or raising your voice, no matter how much you might want to. If you can remain calm in the face of a preschooler in the middle of a meltdown, your demeanor may calm them down, too. Reacting poorly yourself may encourage the child to throw more tantrums because it shows their behavior will elicit a response.

Remove the child from the location if you have to, even if that means leaving a full buggy of groceries at the front of the store. (You can tell them you’ll be back when your child has calmed down; maybe they won’t restock everything while you’re gone.) Put your preschooler in their car seat and tell them you won’t go back into the store until they calm down and can act politely. Then sit with them quietly and calmly until their mood improves.

As a parent or caregiver of a preschooler, you want to know how to deal with their temper tantrums. Remember to bring along a snack or something for your preschooler to do if you’re going to be away from home for a while. This may help you avoid a temper tantrum which is better than having to deal with it.

Separation anxiety can be hard on toddlers and parents alike. There are some steps you can take to minimize the anxiety.

1. Prepare your toddler
While your toddler can not have an adult-level conversation with you, he can probably understand more than you think. Using simple, frank words, talk to him about where you’re going and what will be happening. Make sure you also stress that you will return. You can practice with a toy – have your child’s toy “leave” for a little while, then return it to him. This at least gets him used to the concept of departure and return. Remember, this is new for him.

2. Visit the caregiver and place ahead of time
Develop a relationship with your child’s caregiver, and familiarize your toddler with the childcare center if she is going there. Have the babysitter over to your home for a visit on a day when you aren’t going out, and when you visit the care center make it a fun outing. Your toddler will come to associate the caregiver or center with positive feelings.

3. Don’t have a meltdown yourself
Keep your own attitude up-beat and calm. Your toddler, after all, looks to you for reassurance. She doesn’t necessarily know if a situation is cause for panic or fear and will look to you to see what it’s all about.

4. Don’t sneak out
It may be tempting to slip out the door unnoticed when your toddler is otherwise occupied, but this can actually make separation anxiety worse. If your toddler thinks you could disappear at any moment, she will respond with even greater clinginess.

5. Respect the feelings
It is scary for toddlers when you leave. Help your toddler identify the often overwhelming, scary feeling of separation anxiety by naming it. “I know it feels scary and sad when Mommy goes away. That means you miss me. I understand that feeling.” Then assure her that you will return.

6. Make a smooth transition
Using a timer can be helpful here. Have the babysitter come to your house early, and then set a timer that will “count down” the minutes until you leave. Remind your toddler often during the count down – “In ten/five minutes Mommy will leave.” Let the babysitter interact with your toddler during this time, gradually transitioning the care over to the sitter.

7. Have the toddler leave you
Have the babysitter take your toddler for a walk or outing at the same time you are leaving. He will see you getting into your car as he goes with the sitter down the street. Psychologically, this helps toddlers cope with being left.

8. Have a special treat associated with the caregiver
On “babysitter night” or “daycare days,” let your child have a special toy or some other treat that you only give when she is with a caregiver. Hopefully, she will come to associate the caregiver situation with the special treat.

The term “attachment parenting” is credited to Dr. William Sears, a pediatrician, and his wife, Martha Sears, a nurse. Attachment parenting, or AP, is a natural form of parenting, which means it will look different in different families. Because AP is more about a state of mind than a parenting method, it is not a “one size fits all” approach to parenting. Nonetheless, there are some trademarks and characteristic of AP that help define and clarify what it is. But even these traits will vary among families.

1. Gentle birth
AP advocates believe that attachment begins at birth – actually, before birth. Attachment parenting begins with research about birth, infant development, and as much information about how the process works as possible. AP parents try for a natural birth, with emphasis on the mother-infant bond.

2. Breastfeeding
This is one of the key components to AP. It is one of the major means by which an attached baby gets his needs met – nutritionally, emotionally, and physically. AP parents do not feed their babies on a schedule, but nurse their infants as the need arises. The benefits of this breastfeeding relationship are not just for the baby; the mother benefits greatly from the “happy hormones” secreted during breastfeeding, and from the knowledge that she is doing much to enhance her baby’s development.

3. Responsiveness
AP parents do not believe that a baby is manipulative or that a baby can be “spoiled.” On the contrary, the AP mindset is one of responsiveness to the infant, responding to cries by meeting needs. Babies can’t talk, so crying is their only way to communicate a stress, need, or discomfort.

4. Closeness
It has been discovered among babies in orphanages that those who are not touched fail to thrive or even die. Touch is incredibly important for a baby’s development, and AP embraces that concept to the fullest, advocating keeping the baby nearby at night and in a sling during the day.

Co-sleeping, or sharing sleeping space, is part of the goal of closeness among AP parents. A baby’s night-time needs are most easily met when the baby is close by. This is a lot easier on the mother, too.

AP parents believe that forming strong attachments in infancy will give children a sense of security and set the stage for lasting, strong relationships later in life. The basic idea is that an attached child will learn to trust his parents and will therefore develop a sense of security. AP advocates claim that attached children are confident and socially adept, and are able to form strong relationships of their own. That is the basic goal of AP – relationships.

One of the key components of attachment parenting is the family bed. This refers to the sharing of sleeping space among family members, and particularly denotes a mother being physically close to her baby during the night. “Co-sleeping” refers to sleeping in close proximity to one’s baby or child, and could simply mean sleeping in the same room; “bed-sharing,” on the other hand, is literally that – family members sleep in the same bed. Therefore, the family bed does not have to be one enormous mattress; it can be whatever arrangement works for a family that fosters attachment.

The family bed has many physical and emotional benefits, with some cross-overs. Among the emotional benefits are increased trust on the part of the infant, emotional well-being for the mother, and a stable relationship between parent and child (thus setting the stage for healthy relationships later in life). Following is a list of these benefits explained in more detail.

1. Trust
A baby does not understand that you are still “there” when he is sleeping in another room. He may become fearful and distrustful if he wakes at night and his mother is not available. A baby who has his needs met consistently – day or night – learns to trust his parents. The family bed makes the mother available to nurse the baby or simply provide physical contact. The baby then comes to trust his parents and develops a sense of security.

2. If mama’s not happy…
Have you ever heard the saying, “If Mama’s not happy, then nobody’s happy”? There is some truth to that statement! A mother who participates in the family bed gets more sleep than a mother who gets up multiple times during the night, thus making her refreshed and in a much better mood. Also, a mother’s nursing through the night produces “happy hormones” that bond her with her baby and make her feel content.

3. Relationship
The family bed fosters strong relationships. For mothers or fathers who work all day, this may be the only time they get to have physical “cuddle time” with their child. And, once again, the family bed facilitates the breastfeeding relationship, which fosters important, healthful bonds that set the stage for healthy, functional relationships later in life.

4. The human pacemaker
While this is a physical benefit, its emotional ramifications are significant. Statistics show that babies who sleep in a family bed arrangement are far less likely to die of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) than those babies left to sleep alone (this is why SIDS is also called “crib death” or “cot death”). In countries where bed-sharing is common (such as India), SIDS is virtually unknown.

When a baby experiences SIDS, she simply stops breathing inexplicably. Studies from as far back as the mid-1900s have shown that babies who sleep with their mothers actually match their breathing patterns to the mother’s – she is like a human pacemaker for her baby’s breathing. Current research supports these studies from the first half of the 20th century.

While society is still coming to terms with accepting the family bed, the important thing is to choose what is right for your family. There are many benefits to the family bed, and many nay-sayers are simply unaware of such benefits.

As much as some moms and dads would like to think so, there simply aren’t any perfect parents. And, try as you might like, it’s nearly impossible to be a good parent without training and discipline. Limits are one form of discipline (or teaching) and it’s helpful to know the importance of setting limits for children.

Parents often set limits for their children, not only to teach them, but also to help keep their children safe. So it’s helpful to know how to set limits, how to enforce the limits once they’re set, and what consequences to use if the limits are ignored. Of course, the consequences for ignoring the limits will be different depending upon the age of the children in question.

Children who feel like they’re loved and valued by their parents will be more willing to accept correction and limits. Why not plan individual “dates” with each of your children to help solidify their sense of value to the family?

Limits may be used to help your preschooler learn what is acceptable and what is not so they can learn self-control. Young children have a tendency to want what they want when they want it, so you may have some challenges in store for you. Don’t give up – you can do this.

Try to say “yes” instead of “no”. Try to explain why they can’t do something rather than just telling them no, for example: “You can’t do this today because it’s raining, but you CAN do this instead.” Give them an option when you tell them no.

Give your child fair warning if you expect them to stop doing something since some children have problems with abrupt changes.

Know what you expect out of your preschooler, and agree upon those things as parents and partners, before you tell your child. It’s also helpful to know what your child is able to do and what they’re not able to do yet. Learning how to discipline effectively and encourage co-operation is also helpful.

When you set a limit, no matter what the limit is, it’s important to be consistent when reinforcing the limit. If you tell your preschooler they have a time limit to finish what they’re doing, be sure to stop what you’re doing and enforce the time limit when the time comes. Following through is as important as setting the limit in the first place. By being consistent with your limits and not having limits that make no sense, your child learns they can trust your judgement.

Try not to set too many limits at one time. Your child needs to be able to achieve success with following one limit before moving on to another. You may repeat yourself during the training process, but the results will be worth it in the future.

Pay attention to how the limits you set are affecting your preschooler. You know the importance of setting limits for preschoolers, but you don’t want to crush their spirit in the process. Be sure they know you love them even though you have to establish limits.

New Year’s Eve is just around the corner, why not start the year off right with homemade fun New Year ’s Eve noisemakers. They’re environmentally friendly because you’ll be repurposing things you likely already have around the home, they’re cost effective, they’re festive, and their fun! They are a great way to get kids involved in New Year merriment.

Here are a few noisemaker ideas you can make at home.

Shaker Noise Makers

Ingredients:
* Cans or plastic cups. Baking soda cans are ideal for this because they have a nice tight plastic lid and the can is much noisier than a plastic cup. This is the one time noisier is better. Soda cans work well too.
* Masking tape or duct tape
* Beans or macaroni noodles
* Construction paper
* Markers and/or crayons
* Glue

Glue the paper around the cup or can and let dry. Decorate the paper however you desire. Fill the can with your noisy items of choice. If you’re using a soda can, you’ll want to tape over the mouth of the can. If you’re using a baking soda can, you can glue the lid on. Voila!  You have some really noisy noisemakers.

Paper Plate Noise Makers

Paper plates are great because they’re easy to decorate and you likely already have a few around the house. You’ll also need:

Ingredients:
* Small bells, beans, beads, or those macaroni noodles
* Glue or thread to seal the plate closed
* Markers, stickers, paint, construction paper and other items to decorate the plates with
* Binder clips or large paper clips to hold the plate closed while the glue dries

Step One:  Fold the plate in half and then unfold. Folding it in half shows you where the seam is so you can see what it will look like once you’ve decorate it. Decorate the paper plate. In addition to decorating it, you can add fringe on the edge by cutting strips of construction paper and gluing them to the edge of the plate.

Step Two:  Fold the plate in half and sew or glue closed, leaving a bit of room to insert your noise makers. Finish gluing or sewing closed.

Step Three:  Hold the ends closed with binder clips or large paper clips until dry.

Step Four: Shake and enjoy!

Happy New Years!

Ever wondered what to do when you are an attached, respectful parent and you refuse to spank but yet you are at your rope’s end with one of your kids?

I just had to repost this chain email I got on an AP group:

Tough Love vs. Spanking – Good Argument

Most people think it is improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of those moments.

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it’s the vibration from the car, others say it’s the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.  Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

This works with grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as well.

Disclaimer: In case you are not quite sure what humor is… please be advised that this is satire and not meant to be taken seriously!

Why Not Volunteer This Holiday Season for a Good Cause?

It’s been said that the holiday spirit is about giving, not receiving. Yet it’s hard to get past the materialism and commercialism of the season as gift-buying reaches a feverish pitch. If you are looking for a way to give more meaning to the holidays, consider volunteering your time. Here are some ways in which you can get your family into the giving spirit this holiday season.

1. Homeless shelters or soup kitchens

This is a busy time of year for such organizations. Volunteering your time to help feed and shelter those in need will help the shelter staff as well as the needy. Putting a face on people who are less fortunate can have an impact on your family, and induce a sense of gratitude.

2. Charities

Meals on Wheels, Good Will, and local charities need help during the holidays. Donations of food or money are welcome, but time is especially helpful – we all know how precious time is these days. You can help organize food baskets for food pantries, make and deliver meals to shut-ins, or pass out hot drinks to charity workers.

Your community likely has a “secret Santa” program or other event that organizes and delivers toys to needy children. Why not take some time to clean out and donate some of your excess items, or purchase a toy for a less fortunate child? Delivering such gifts can be a meaningful experience as well.

3. Church programs 

Most churches have food pantries or other programs for needy people, and help is welcome. Some churches have groups who visit shut-ins and sing carols, and anyone can participate. There are also Christmas food baskets that need to be organized and delivered, and like other charities, churches will often collect and deliver toys to needy children.

4. Assisted living or nursing homes

The holidays can be very lonely for residents in personal care homes. Elderly people miss their deceased friends and family at this time of year, and they also may miss their homes and their old life. Bring some holiday spirit to these special people by visiting, singing carols, or making and passing out cards.

The staff of assisted living facilities also needs some help and encouragement at this busy time of year – workers are often on vacation, leaving fewer staff. Bring the nurses and other workers a plate of cookies or hand out cards.

5. Soldiers in the military

Organizations such as Any Soldier put together and distribute care packages for soldiers stationed overseas, and volunteers are appreciated. Your family can make home-made cards to include in the package, too.  

Giving to others is the best way to make the holidays more meaningful, and giving the gift of your time is one of the most meaningful gifts. The best perk though is that volunteering together as a family can create a long lasting bond.

In this day and age of constant stimulus and a lifestyle that is often rushed and packed with activities, children need time to “recharge” more than ever. While meditation is often viewed as a practice for adults, children can benefit greatly from it, too. These benefits can be carried into adulthood as useful life skills as well. Here are some of the ways that meditation can be good for kids.

- Reduced anxiety
Anxiety can lead to or be connected with depression and physical disorders such as digestive disturbances. Although adults tend to remember childhood as idyllic, children actually encounter a great deal of anxiety in their young lives. From dealing with difficult school subjects to facing bullies to family trauma, children need a way to reduce the anxiety they feel. Reducing anxiety also helps improve academic test scores.

- Enhanced concentration
Once again, meditation can help in school performance. With ADD and ADHD getting more and more prevalent among the young, being able to increase concentration can be a major benefit of meditation.

- Mental clarity and focus
Children often have a hard time focusing on one thing for very long. In an era of short visual images from television or the computer, it’s important that children train their brains to stay on one subject, topic or idea for progressively longer lengths of time. Meditation trains the brain to do this.

- Better control over anger
Helping children get a handle on their emotions, especially anger, is very beneficial. Children who can handle their anger have more and better peer relationships, and do better as adults. Anger can be destructive and frightening, and kids need to see that they can control their emotions and responses. Meditation produces a sense of calm, and teachers have said it enhances children’s compassion toward one another.

- Greater ability to handle stress
Meditation seems to carve “pathways” in the brain that go from being a deliberate exercise to an automatic response. Kids who practice meditation not only find they can handle their current stress better, but they also exhibit a greater ability to deal with stress as it comes. 

Meditation can be done by parents at home, incorporated into a classroom setting, or with an instructor. Only a few minutes a day are required to obtain some of the benefits. Teaching children the art of meditation gives them important life skills that will bring immediate help as well as setting the stage for a productive future.

Read: Meditation for Kids: (And Other Beings) (Little Books With Big Ideas)