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What is Attachment Parenting?
December 1, 2007
Attachment parenting is also known as natural parenting or instinctive parenting. Attachment parents do not follow conventional parenting guidelines and ideas. They have chosen to let their own instincts be their guide and not the conventional wisdom parents are bombarded with through mainstream media.
There are a lot of different philosophies out there about how to raise your children. One of more popular parenting philosophies that’s been publicized in the past few years is attachment parenting. Many people don’t understand exactly what it is. Attachment parenting is when the parents try to form a close, special bond with their children. This strong relationship with their parents is said to help a child develop strong, healthy, secure relationships in the future.
While there are many ways to develop these strong bonds with young children, Attachment Parenting International, a major proponent of this philosophy, has released a list of 8 ideals for attachment parents. It is important to realize that these are something to strive for, not something most people can actually accomplish in their hectic lives. The ideals they give are:
* Preparation for Childbirth. This involves educating yourself so you can be an active participant in your pregnancy and delivery. An active parent should take classes and strive to make important decisions early. A mother should also try to keep stress on the baby low during pregnancy.
* Emotional Responsiveness. This is probably the most important philosophy in attachment parenting. It involves being aware of and fulfilling your child’s emotional needs. It stresses comforting your baby when they cry instead of letting them “cry it out” on their own. A parent should develop the ability to interpret and fulfill your child’s needs by spending quality time with them.
* Breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not only the most nutritious diet possibly for babies; it also promotes bonding between the mother and child through closeness and also hormonal reactions. Attachment parenting encourages breastfeeding until the mother and the baby are both ready to stop. It also advocates breastfeeding behaviors even if you’re bottle feeding your baby.
* Baby Wearing. Wearing your baby in a sling can have many positive benefits. It allows your child to feel safe and secure, stimulates their neurological development, and helps stabilize their biorhythms. It also brings a sense of closeness between the wearer and the baby.
* Shared Sleep. Sleeping in a bed with the parents can make a child feel safe and secure at night because their needs are being met. If a baby has to cry for a while before a parent arrives, it can shatter their feeling of nighttime security. With co-sleep, mom is always there to respond to needs immediately. It also make breastfeeding easier and further strengthens that bond.
* Avoiding long separations from your baby. Try not to be away from your baby for too long. This can emotionally damage a child and the bond you have with them. If long absences are unavoidable, try to find one consistent caregiver who will treat your child as you normally would, ensuring continuity of care.
* Positive discipline. Attachment parenting stressed forming a strong bond with your child which helps them to trust you. If they have this trust, you can guide them to make good choices by making them yourselves. You should keep this trust by trying to understand and empathize with your child’s point of view.
* Balance your family life. This involves not only being there for your family, but also being there for yourself. Someone who has a solid support structure and cares for themselves will be better equipped to care for their family as well.
Also, many attached moms are also sensitive to “natural” parenting methods so their particular parenting choices may also commonly involve things such as cloth diapers, “green” cleaning, organic foods, homeopathic treatments, and a no circumcision stance.
While it times it may be difficult to follow all these ideals, if you strive to reach at least some of them, you will likely have a happy, independent, and well adjusted child.
Technorati Tags: attachment parenting, breastfeed, children, positive discipline, natural parenting, babywearing, cosleeping
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December 13th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I have a friend who identifies herself as an attached parent. I look it up to define what an attached parent is, and I find your website. Good so far. I then read the criteria. The definition of an attached parent leaves WAY to much open to interpretation. I don’t know if it’s your definition, or what “the experts” classify as their definition, but this friend of mine takes it to the extreme. Their are NO boundaries. No discipline. No structure. At the same time, they mollycoddle their children to the point of suffocation, never allowing them the ability to explore or learn for themselves. And she and the other mothers in our group that are “attached” parents all feel strongly that that is how their children should be raised. So there is no one to take responsibility for their actions, or inaction, or those of their children.
I’m not a parent that believes in regimented discipline or punishment. I am very open minded, and quite liberal in my views. I do think, however, that unless a child is given boundaries, they never learn to explore them. I also believe that answering a child’s every whim never allows the opportunity for them to develop and establish their own independence.
Parents that read these guidelines use them as a cop-out from having to accept responsibility. And that, my friend, is just not good parenting.
June 24th, 2009 at 6:53 am
I agree with Kyle. Boundaries should be part of every childs life. Learning boundaries promotes patience, attention, interaction with others (socially), and of course, action and consequence. Do not mistake my use of the word boundaries. I do not mean limitations. There is a difference. Raising a well-adjusted child (or children) is a hard enough job. Leaving the children to their own immature decisions with no consequences for their actions sets them up for problems in their life in the future. Part of being a good parent is directing and guiding children with love, consistancy, and education (either the parents or a schools). Teaching life lessons cannot be done unless the child knows when he has gone too far. Kyle wrote “parents that read these guidelines use them as a cop-out”. I don’t know if all parents do. But I can see how many of them could. Promoting a parenting strategy that highlights refusing to accept responsibility for your actions, and promoting it in your children is setting everyone up for a big let down later in life. Kyle’s right, that’s just NOT good parenting.
June 24th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Jessica I have a feeling you are talking about consequences the parents impose on kids and those are not natural consequences. They are punishments. Punishments don’t teach.
Children will only learn to think about their decisions and start making good ones if they have the freedom to make their own choices. Making good choices is a learned skill and kids need to practice it. They learn about consequences on their own without parents “punishing”. A for instance would be my 8 year old son choosing to stay up well past midnight last night. The consequence of staying up late was that he slept in until 10AM and missed a skateboarding class he had. In the future I doubt I will have to place a bedtime boundary the night before his classes, because he learned on his own that he needs to go to bed early on those nights and he learned that because he was free to make his own choice in the matter. I probably could have lectured on the subject until I was blue in the face but experiencing the consequences first hand was the best teacher. And to reinforce this lesson I will be all too happy to “help” wake him up if he manages to go to bed at a reasonable hour so he can succeed.
Kyle I think your friend is “un-parenting” or being a permissive parent and using attachment theory as an excuse.