Comments on: What is Attachment Parenting?

By: admin

admin — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:12:38 +0000

Jessica I have a feeling you are talking about consequences the parents impose on kids and those are not natural consequences. They are punishments. Punishments don’t teach.

Children will only learn to think about their decisions and start making good ones if they have the freedom to make their own choices. Making good choices is a learned skill and kids need to practice it. They learn about consequences on their own without parents “punishing”. A for instance would be my 8 year old son choosing to stay up well past midnight last night. The consequence of staying up late was that he slept in until 10AM and missed a skateboarding class he had. In the future I doubt I will have to place a bedtime boundary the night before his classes, because he learned on his own that he needs to go to bed early on those nights and he learned that because he was free to make his own choice in the matter. I probably could have lectured on the subject until I was blue in the face but experiencing the consequences first hand was the best teacher. And to reinforce this lesson I will be all too happy to “help” wake him up if he manages to go to bed at a reasonable hour so he can succeed.

Kyle I think your friend is “un-parenting” or being a permissive parent and using attachment theory as an excuse.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:53:13 +0000

I agree with Kyle. Boundaries should be part of every childs life. Learning boundaries promotes patience, attention, interaction with others (socially), and of course, action and consequence. Do not mistake my use of the word boundaries. I do not mean limitations. There is a difference. Raising a well-adjusted child (or children) is a hard enough job. Leaving the children to their own immature decisions with no consequences for their actions sets them up for problems in their life in the future. Part of being a good parent is directing and guiding children with love, consistancy, and education (either the parents or a schools). Teaching life lessons cannot be done unless the child knows when he has gone too far. Kyle wrote “parents that read these guidelines use them as a cop-out”. I don’t know if all parents do. But I can see how many of them could. Promoting a parenting strategy that highlights refusing to accept responsibility for your actions, and promoting it in your children is setting everyone up for a big let down later in life. Kyle’s right, that’s just NOT good parenting.

By: Kyle

Kyle — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 19:31:27 +0000

I have a friend who identifies herself as an attached parent. I look it up to define what an attached parent is, and I find your website. Good so far. I then read the criteria. The definition of an attached parent leaves WAY to much open to interpretation. I don’t know if it’s your definition, or what “the experts” classify as their definition, but this friend of mine takes it to the extreme. Their are NO boundaries. No discipline. No structure. At the same time, they mollycoddle their children to the point of suffocation, never allowing them the ability to explore or learn for themselves. And she and the other mothers in our group that are “attached” parents all feel strongly that that is how their children should be raised. So there is no one to take responsibility for their actions, or inaction, or those of their children.
I’m not a parent that believes in regimented discipline or punishment. I am very open minded, and quite liberal in my views. I do think, however, that unless a child is given boundaries, they never learn to explore them. I also believe that answering a child’s every whim never allows the opportunity for them to develop and establish their own independence.
Parents that read these guidelines use them as a cop-out from having to accept responsibility. And that, my friend, is just not good parenting.