The Attached Parent » Toddlers

How to Deal with Preschool Temper Tantrums

admin — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 14:00:19 +0000

As parents of preschoolers or one who spends time with them, you may be at a loss for how to deal with preschool temper tantrums. Using the following ideas may give you the tools you need to deal with temper tantrums effectively and have a better behaved child, too.

Why do preschoolers have temper tantrums in the first place? You expect toddlers to have them when they’re unable to communicate their wants or needs, but preschoolers should be past that, shouldn’t they? Actually, understanding why a preschooler has tantrums can be the first step in knowing how to deal with them.

Preschoolers are toddlers with a year or more life behind them, so it’s not unusual for them to have tantrums for the same reasons. Those reasons include:

* Being tired due to too much activity
* Being hungry while on the go
* Not getting what they want when they want it
* Being angry or frustrated
* Feeling neglected and wanting attention
* Wanting to be able to do things for themselves but not being able to yet

How you handle temper tantrums now may play a large part in how your preschooler acts when he or she gets older. Incorrect handling could very well lead to behavior problems in the future. While having tantrums is a normal part of your preschooler’s development, how you choose to react and deal with them is entirely up to you.

No matter how embarrassing your preschooler acts in public, don’t give in to them. It’s important for them to learn that a melt down is not the way to get what they need and or want. You’ll also want to be sure to tell them you love them and you’re telling them “no” for a good reason.

Try to do your best to stay cool during this trying circumstance. Tell your child you understand they are frustrated, hungry, or tired. Ask them to calm down and help you decide how to work it out. They need to know you’ll listen and that you want to help them learn to deal with their own frustrations. If they calm down, give them a toy you brought from home to distract them until you can finish what you’re doing.

You can model good behavior for them by not losing your cool or raising your voice, no matter how much you might want to. If you can remain calm in the face of a preschooler in the middle of a meltdown, your demeanor may calm them down, too. Reacting poorly yourself may encourage the child to throw more tantrums because it shows their behavior will elicit a response.

Remove the child from the location if you have to, even if that means leaving a full buggy of groceries at the front of the store. (You can tell them you’ll be back when your child has calmed down; maybe they won’t restock everything while you’re gone.) Put your preschooler in their car seat and tell them you won’t go back into the store until they calm down and can act politely. Then sit with them quietly and calmly until their mood improves.

As a parent or caregiver of a preschooler, you want to know how to deal with their temper tantrums. Remember to bring along a snack or something for your preschooler to do if you’re going to be away from home for a while. This may help you avoid a temper tantrum which is better than having to deal with it.

How To Help Your Toddler With Separation Anxiety

admin — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:00:03 +0000

Separation anxiety can be hard on toddlers and parents alike. There are some steps you can take to minimize the anxiety.

1. Prepare your toddler
While your toddler can not have an adult-level conversation with you, he can probably understand more than you think. Using simple, frank words, talk to him about where you’re going and what will be happening. Make sure you also stress that you will return. You can practice with a toy – have your child’s toy “leave” for a little while, then return it to him. This at least gets him used to the concept of departure and return. Remember, this is new for him.

2. Visit the caregiver and place ahead of time
Develop a relationship with your child’s caregiver, and familiarize your toddler with the childcare center if she is going there. Have the babysitter over to your home for a visit on a day when you aren’t going out, and when you visit the care center make it a fun outing. Your toddler will come to associate the caregiver or center with positive feelings.

3. Don’t have a meltdown yourself
Keep your own attitude up-beat and calm. Your toddler, after all, looks to you for reassurance. She doesn’t necessarily know if a situation is cause for panic or fear and will look to you to see what it’s all about.

4. Don’t sneak out
It may be tempting to slip out the door unnoticed when your toddler is otherwise occupied, but this can actually make separation anxiety worse. If your toddler thinks you could disappear at any moment, she will respond with even greater clinginess.

5. Respect the feelings
It is scary for toddlers when you leave. Help your toddler identify the often overwhelming, scary feeling of separation anxiety by naming it. “I know it feels scary and sad when Mommy goes away. That means you miss me. I understand that feeling.” Then assure her that you will return.

6. Make a smooth transition
Using a timer can be helpful here. Have the babysitter come to your house early, and then set a timer that will “count down” the minutes until you leave. Remind your toddler often during the count down – “In ten/five minutes Mommy will leave.” Let the babysitter interact with your toddler during this time, gradually transitioning the care over to the sitter.

7. Have the toddler leave you
Have the babysitter take your toddler for a walk or outing at the same time you are leaving. He will see you getting into your car as he goes with the sitter down the street. Psychologically, this helps toddlers cope with being left.

8. Have a special treat associated with the caregiver
On “babysitter night” or “daycare days,” let your child have a special toy or some other treat that you only give when she is with a caregiver. Hopefully, she will come to associate the caregiver situation with the special treat.

The Importance of Setting Limits for Preschoolers

admin — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:33:57 +0000

As much as some moms and dads would like to think so, there simply aren’t any perfect parents. And, try as you might like, it’s nearly impossible to be a good parent without training and discipline. Limits are one form of discipline (or teaching) and it’s helpful to know the importance of setting limits for children.

Parents often set limits for their children, not only to teach them, but also to help keep their children safe. So it’s helpful to know how to set limits, how to enforce the limits once they’re set, and what consequences to use if the limits are ignored. Of course, the consequences for ignoring the limits will be different depending upon the age of the children in question.

Children who feel like they’re loved and valued by their parents will be more willing to accept correction and limits. Why not plan individual “dates” with each of your children to help solidify their sense of value to the family?

Limits may be used to help your preschooler learn what is acceptable and what is not so they can learn self-control. Young children have a tendency to want what they want when they want it, so you may have some challenges in store for you. Don’t give up – you can do this.

Try to say “yes” instead of “no”. Try to explain why they can’t do something rather than just telling them no, for example: “You can’t do this today because it’s raining, but you CAN do this instead.” Give them an option when you tell them no.

Give your child fair warning if you expect them to stop doing something since some children have problems with abrupt changes.

Know what you expect out of your preschooler, and agree upon those things as parents and partners, before you tell your child. It’s also helpful to know what your child is able to do and what they’re not able to do yet. Learning how to discipline effectively and encourage co-operation is also helpful.

When you set a limit, no matter what the limit is, it’s important to be consistent when reinforcing the limit. If you tell your preschooler they have a time limit to finish what they’re doing, be sure to stop what you’re doing and enforce the time limit when the time comes. Following through is as important as setting the limit in the first place. By being consistent with your limits and not having limits that make no sense, your child learns they can trust your judgement.

Try not to set too many limits at one time. Your child needs to be able to achieve success with following one limit before moving on to another. You may repeat yourself during the training process, but the results will be worth it in the future.

Pay attention to how the limits you set are affecting your preschooler. You know the importance of setting limits for preschoolers, but you don’t want to crush their spirit in the process. Be sure they know you love them even though you have to establish limits.

Learning To Share Fun Park Game

admin — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:00:30 +0000

Introduce preschoolers to the concept of sharing and fair play with this fun game. In the Noodleboro Fun Park game, kids visit the Ferris wheel, Log Flume, Circus, and more to earn sharing stars for the group. An audio CD and a storybook enhance game play.

This game for kids ages 4 and older uses a carnival to teach the concept of sharing with others. Sharing is often a big concern for parents, especially ones with multiple kids or kids who attend daycare so this game might be just what they are looking for. It consists of carnival rides and activities….a log ride, a Ferris wheel, a roller coaster, and circus tent. The pieces are all really well made and cute so that the game looks like a lot of fun right from the start, just like a carnival. You roll a die to find out which ride or carnival game you need to do and then if you “win” you get a token. If you win the log ride for example, by balancing a ball on a forked twig without letting it fall, you win. Each ride has a unique token and each player has to get all their tokens before the park closes. Cooperation and sharing comes into play because you have to do the same rides more than once and you may get extra tokens that other players don’t have. Since everyone loses if you can’t get out before closing time it gives players incentive to share tokens with other and get sharing stars in return.

My own kids loved playing this game. Every time we played I heard “Can we play again???!” The game is for kids 4 years and older and I think the hand-eye skills in at least one of the rides does require some skill that kids younger than 4 might not have yet. There are definitely small pieces that young children could choke on too.

Noodleboro also has a Learning to Listen Pizza Palace Game and a Learning About Manners Picnic Basket Game.

Preventing Nature Deficit Disorder

admin — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:00:12 +0000

If your child gives you a glazed look when you suggest taking a walk in the yard or to the park to enjoy the outdoors he may have “nature deficit disorder.” Author Richard Louv coined this phrase in his 2005 book Last Child in the Woods. What Louv was referring to was the reality that kids today have a declining interest in things that our natural. That’s pretty frightening when you think about it, especially when well meaning parents may be the cause.

Gone are the days when kids were encouraged to go out and explore nature on their bikes or on roller blades, etc., with their friends. Those were the days when the only restrictions or guidelines given were to be home for set meal times and before the street lights came on.

Today few parents are comfortable letting their kids ride their bikes beyond their own street, not alone to the nearest park or conservation area. With every new media highlight of a child abduction, drug incident or worse, parents become more cautious. The end result of all this caution is a generation of kids that have become distanced from their environment.

Not only have parents limited children’s access to natural environments, but the lure of television, computers and video games has also eaten up a significant portion of recreation time that might have been otherwise spent out doors.

According to the Playing for Keeps organization 80 percent of children under age 2 and more than 60 percent of children aged 2 to 5 do not have access to daily outdoor activities. The National Parks Service reports that state and national parks are experiencing a 10 to 20 percent drop in visitation.

In 2007, the Governor’s Outdoors Conference in State College gathered over 300 public health officials, directors of government agencies, park managers, nature-related outdoor group representatives and outdoor enthusiasts from across the country to look at the challenge of getting kids and adults outdoors and the reasons for these changing trends.

This gathering of outdoor stakeholders came up with a number of reasons and causes for this unhealthy trend. For one, it was determined that urbanization and school district’s concern about injury-related lawsuits contributed to the decreased number of easily accessible outdoor opportunities for kids. Other reasons point to our unhealthy diets. Health care workers notice a lack of stamina in our youth when confronted with outdoor activities and link this observation to lower levels of Vitamin D.

So if you think your child has nature deficit disorder what can you do? Here are a few suggestions:

• Get involved on your school PTA and encourage the school to incorporate more nature trips into the school curriculum.
• Take community events out of the manicured local parks. Instead plan community events in nearby conservation parks. Carpool families to the location and hold a barbecue and baseball game there. The different wildlife to be seen in a conservation park will make the trip interesting and get the kids excited about the beauty that really is all around them.
• Hang bird feeders around your house and look at the different birds you can attract with different seeds. Involve the kids in this activity and watch their interest grow!
• If you have space, plant a children’s garden or start planting in pots. Put them in charge of weeding and watering. When their seedlings bloom their excitement will be something to behold.
• On your next family vacation choose a location that has many outdoor adventuring opportunities.

Does Your Child Have Nature Deficit Disorder?

admin — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 16:00:23 +0000

Is your child suffering from not spending enough time in nature? Richard Louv, author of Last Child In The Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder, asserts that many modern children do. In fact, other medical and mental health experts and a growing body of researchers are also concerned about how little time our children are spending in the great outdoors. Why should parents be aware of this? What are some of the problems that result from nature deficit and what can we do to prevent it in our children?

First let’s define the problem. As Louv sees it, when our kids spend less time in natural environments, the results are what we’re seeing more and more of in recent years: weight issues in children, attention problems, depression, anxiety and stress. According to Louv, anecdotal evidence as well as several studies point to a connection between the increasing amount of time our kids spend indoors doing more sedentary activities, and emotional, health and social problems.

To be fair, many parents are justifiably concerned about safety. But this comes at a price. Many of us who are parents today remember spending much of our own childhoods out of doors, even in less than perfect weather! Long walks through the woods with friends, bike rides through the neighborhood feeling the wind in our hair, day dreaming for hours on the tire swing under the tree, these were the stuff memories were made of. Our kids today are often shuttled from one activity to another, most of these taking place in structured environments, and many of them indoors. What are our kids missing out on?

The research points to several things. One is that spending time in nature can help relieve stress. It also helps kids focus more. One study conducted by the University of Illinois found that children with attention problems can focus better after outdoor activities. Other studies point to increased cognitive ability among kids who have access to natural settings and display fewer attention lapses (such as interrupting, not listening and distraction). Also important are the findings that unstructured play (the kind that takes place when kids roam the great outdoors) leads to enhanced emotional and social development. They get better at problem solving and getting along with other kids. Not to be discounted is the fact any Mom can testify to: that getting the kids outdoors makes them calmer, helps them eat better as well as sleep better!

So how do we make sure our kids are getting enough time outside, especially if we don’t live in a rural area? One way is to structure recreation around nature. Spending time in parks, taking walks on nature trails, hiking, mountain climbing, visiting lakes, rivers and beaches and picnics outdoors are some ideas. Even in urban areas you probably have access to city parks and botanical gardens. Build a treehouse in your backyard if you can. Encourage your kids to go outside and play as much as possible. Make it mandatory if they don’t seem to enjoy it at first. Like eating vegetables, they often will start to love it with time. If it’s not safe for your kids to play outside without supervision, then spend time outside with them. Go for walks outside as a family. Eat some of your meals outdoors if weather permits. Involve the kids in outdoor chores like yard work or hanging laundry. The benefits will likely be obvious to you after a period of time and are worth the extra effort.

Entertaining Kids Without Electronics

admin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 16:00:31 +0000

It has taken some time, but finally there is widespread awareness that electronic games are contributing to the poor health of our kids. Studies are showing that kids in general are spending approximately 5 hours a day in front of the TV and/or game video screen. Sure some of these games can be entertaining or even stimulating to a point, but 5 hours of electronic entertainment is way too much time for growing kids to spend in one stationary position.

Researchers from Yale University and the University of Hawaii published a paper recently stating that by 2010 more than 50% of children in America will be overweight. That’s a statistic that no one wants to see realized. So what can we do? For many families it will take a significant effort to change some activities that have become hard to break habits.

Electronic games and DVDs have become the modern pacifier for many kids. Parents will often pop in a DVD or whip out the Game Boy to keep kids occupied during long trips, while seated in waiting rooms or at any moment in the day when a child says “I’m bored.”

The challenge is to find ways to control (or better yet eliminate) the use of electronics as a means of childhood entertainment. To get some ideas as to what you might do to entertain your kids, let’s take a look back to the pre-Game Boy era…

It’s a Wednesday evening, dinner’s done and the kids have finished their homework. Mom looks to the game cupboard and pulls the Twister box off the shelf. Twister is the game where the players are the game pieces. Unfold the game “sheet” on the family room floor, get the spinner out, spin away and start moving arms and limbs onto the colored dots as directed by the spinner. Last person to fall wins. Now that’s a fun way to end a typical week day.

While Twister is a game from the past, it is very much available today as are a good many traditional games that are engaging, fun and require no batteries or adapters! The following are great games for all ages that you might want to pick up either on ebay, at a local garage sale, or your local toy store: Monopoly (not the electronic version), Sorry, Battleship, Clue and Scrabble.

What to do on a snowy Saturday afternoon? Why build a snow fort of course? Moms and Dads can and should join in this game since the more hands involved in fort construction the sooner it’ll be ready for its military inhabitants! All that snow that is cleared from the driveway and that is on the lawn, will be put to great use as building material for the family snow fort.

Who doesn’t like the game “Simon Says”? This classic movement game is fun for any age and the best part is your 2 year old can have as much fun playing this as the 12 year old. Assign a young child to be “Simon” for a really neat “Simon Says” session. Mom and Dad can be pretty good at giving orders around the house let’s see how good (or how able) they are at following directions especially when the order is “Touch your toes!” Keep your chiropractor on call during your “Simon Says” sessions.

The best part of any “non-electronic” family activity is the good conversation and laughter that are so much a part of family life. Watching your kids giggle as you trip over yourself during a game of Twister is a priceless moment no electronic game can replace.

The Terrible Twos – What to Do

admin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 16:00:58 +0000

Two year olds get a bad rep. Everywhere you look and listen you read and hear about the so-called “Terrible Twos.” To be fair, many young tots are going through a phase of disequilibrium at age 2 1/2, according to many child development experts.

Add to that the fact that most parents are trying to potty train at this age, and Mom may be pregnant or already have another child, and it’s no wonder the 2’s can be a bit challenging.

Here are a few tips to help you deal with your toddler and even enjoy this phase!

1) Remember that a toddler is nothing more than a baby on wheels.
Meaning, toddlers are active and can get into a whole lot of trouble, fast… yet they’re still so immature emotionally. That’s why tantrums are so common at this age. Toddlers have a hard time dealing with the overwhelming emotions they experience. Reading about the developmental milestones children are reaching at this age can help.
2) Don’t forget babywearing. Or perhaps we should call it Toddlerwearing!
Wearing your 2 to 3 year old in a soft cloth carrier, backpack or sling can still be a huge lifesaver. When your toddler is tired, overstimulated or otherwise out of sorts, wearing them will help them to settle down and maybe even go to sleep! The same is certainly true of breastfeeding. Dubbed “baby Prozac” by many, nursing can soothe the boo-boos and help a reluctant napper settle down.
3) Take care of Mom.
By the time the baby is a toddler, we moms often expect life to get back to “normal”. We think that we should have it all together, be back at our prepregnancy weight, and have the house spotless like it was before baby came into the picture. This is unrealistic, especially for a mom who is expecting another baby and caring for a 2 year old! Life with a toddler is often more fatiguing because toddlers are heavier, require more supervision and discipline, and now that they’re mobile they create much more housework too!
Mom would do well to not expect too much of herself and to make sure she’s taking a break from her duties once in awhile. Most toddlers are getting closer to their Dads and Grandparents, so asking these loving people to take over for a few hours so you can read a book, exercise or nap is a priority.

Doing so means she’ll have fresh energy and perspective to devote to her favorite little person – her busy, intense and lovable 2 year old.

Why Spanking Doesn’t Work

admin — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 19:00:36 +0000

A child misbehaves by poking, kicking or similarly assaulting another child. The parent grabs him by the arm and slaps him for hitting that child. “Don’t Hit,” they may even yell. Hmm…what’s wrong with this scenario?

Spanking teaches children that violence is the solution to problems. Hitting teaches that we can and should use physical coersion to get what we want. Not only does spanking teach things that are surely contrary to what we actually want it can errode the trust between parent and child too.

Essentially when we talk about discipline we are talking about behavior that we would like to correct in our children. What better way to teach our children then to model good behavior and behave in a way that is considered respectful, fair and appropriate. Hitting or spanking a child is a behavior not considered respectful or even civil so why would we subject children to such “behavior”? Furthermore we should only discipline in ways that make us feel good about our actions. Can you discipline in front of an audience and not feel ashamed? If not, then something is wrong.

There are many advocates for corporal punishment (spanking) that argue that children who misbehave will only respond to a good spanking and that parents who do not spank such kids “spoil” them. We hear the “spare the rod” advice all to often. As stated above, spanking teaches kids that violence is okay and the “rod” referred to in the Bible is not a physical rod to spank with but instead is a symbol for teaching and guiding.

One of TV’s more popular advice experts, psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw, notes on his website that research has shown that “long-term consequences of spanking can include increased aggressiveness, antisocial behavior, and delinquency.” Does that sound like something we want? Surely not!

No matter what immediate benefits that spanking may bring (stopping the misbehavior) do we as parents want to accept the potential long term consequences? Is it worth it?

In many cases parents spank because they simply don’t have any better ideas or approaches to stop the misbehavior that does not include spanking. Many parents simply raise their children in the manner in which they were brought up. Often times parents do things without even being aware that they are repeating a behavior they were taught as a child. You can break the cycle!

So how do parents break the “spanking cycle”? A good way is to become informed about the alternative ways of discipline. These alternatives may be more time consuming and frustrating but on one ever said parenting was easy.

Take the time to talk to your child. It may take a while for your child to respond to “talking” but with consistency and firmness in your approach it can be a much more satisfying and educational moment for both you and your child.

Whether the child is 3 or 9, taking the time to express and communicate your displeasure with a behavior is a rich learning moment. It may not feel that way at the time, but by honesty and sincerely expressing your discontent in language that reaches your child, you are showing real concern and engaging your child in a way that teaches him respect and good communication.

The consistent show of respect and patience in listening to your child explain his behavior will teach your child the importance of dignity and compassion during those times when it matters most.

You will be exhausted and it will take likely far greater effort than a spanking, but the benefit will far outweigh the inconvenience of fatigue. You don’t have to be perfect as a parent; you just have to be willing to take each disciplinary experience as a learning one for you and your child.

Are Your Baby Products Dangerous?

admin — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 15:11:17 +0000

Almost from the moments that many babies are born, their mothers lovingly wash and pamper their infants with a wide range of baby products. These products might include soaps, lotions, shampoos, and baby powders and they might be used several times a day.

But have you ever taken the time to read the ingredients listing for a bottle of baby lotion or shampoo? How would you feel if you found out that the products you have been using on your sweet baby are actually a witch’s brew of dangerous ingredients? Most parents would be very unhappy. They might feel as though they had been duped, and rightly so. Many parents put faith in the companies behind conventional baby products because it never enters their minds that products made specifically for babies could be harmful. Unfortunately, there are many baby products available today that have questionable ingredients. Some of these ingredients include synthetic perfumes, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Talc, and Parabens.

But what are they and why are they bad?

• Parabens are actually preservatives that have estrogenic qualities. They have produced abnormal hormonal effects following application on laboratory rodents, particularly male, resulting in decreased testosterone levels and other abnormalities. They have also been found to accumulate in the breast tissue of women with breast cancer.

• Sodium Lauryl Sulfate or SLS for short is an ingredient that gives a product like a shampoo or liquid soap its foaming ability. It is a known skin irritant and in fact when testing new a healing ointment or crème, SLS is the irritant they first rub on the skin to test the healing properties of their new product. SLS can penetrate and be retained in the eyes, brain, heart, and liver with potentially harmful effects according to the journal of the American College of Toxicology. In a baby product, SLS might cause rashes, eczema or other skin irritations. It is shocking that baby products contain such a harsh ingredient. To add further insult, products containing this ingredient are sometimes labeled as “natural” or organic because SLS is a detergent derived from coconut oil.

• Synthetic perfumes or fragrances can contain hundreds of chemicals. Some, such as methylene chloride are carcinogenic and others might cause headaches, dizziness, coughing, vomiting and skin irritation.

• Talc is white-gray mineral powder used as a baby powder. Moms might use it to keep their baby’s skin smooth and dry but unfortunately term long-term use can produce the same effects as those of asbestos.

These ingredients hardly sound appropriate for tender baby skin. So what can you do to avoid these dangerous baby products? First, read the ingredients and look them up online if you have to. Find out what they are and what they do. Second, find reputable companies that offer organic and 100% natural products. Since there is no regulation for organic bath and body products you might need to do some research to find the legitimately natural products. Third, try your hand at making some of your own baby products. If you make your own then you know exactly what is in them and you can feel comfortable that they are safe.

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