The term “attachment parenting” is credited to Dr. William Sears, a pediatrician, and his wife, Martha Sears, a nurse. Attachment parenting, or AP, is a natural form of parenting, which means it will look different in different families. Because AP is more about a state of mind than a parenting method, it is not a “one size fits all” approach to parenting. Nonetheless, there are some trademarks and characteristic of AP that help define and clarify what it is. But even these traits will vary among families.

1. Gentle birth
AP advocates believe that attachment begins at birth – actually, before birth. Attachment parenting begins with research about birth, infant development, and as much information about how the process works as possible. AP parents try for a natural birth, with emphasis on the mother-infant bond.

2. Breastfeeding
This is one of the key components to AP. It is one of the major means by which an attached baby gets his needs met – nutritionally, emotionally, and physically. AP parents do not feed their babies on a schedule, but nurse their infants as the need arises. The benefits of this breastfeeding relationship are not just for the baby; the mother benefits greatly from the “happy hormones” secreted during breastfeeding, and from the knowledge that she is doing much to enhance her baby’s development.

3. Responsiveness
AP parents do not believe that a baby is manipulative or that a baby can be “spoiled.” On the contrary, the AP mindset is one of responsiveness to the infant, responding to cries by meeting needs. Babies can’t talk, so crying is their only way to communicate a stress, need, or discomfort.

4. Closeness
It has been discovered among babies in orphanages that those who are not touched fail to thrive or even die. Touch is incredibly important for a baby’s development, and AP embraces that concept to the fullest, advocating keeping the baby nearby at night and in a sling during the day.

Co-sleeping, or sharing sleeping space, is part of the goal of closeness among AP parents. A baby’s night-time needs are most easily met when the baby is close by. This is a lot easier on the mother, too.

AP parents believe that forming strong attachments in infancy will give children a sense of security and set the stage for lasting, strong relationships later in life. The basic idea is that an attached child will learn to trust his parents and will therefore develop a sense of security. AP advocates claim that attached children are confident and socially adept, and are able to form strong relationships of their own. That is the basic goal of AP – relationships.

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Why Not Volunteer This Holiday Season for a Good Cause?

It’s been said that the holiday spirit is about giving, not receiving. Yet it’s hard to get past the materialism and commercialism of the season as gift-buying reaches a feverish pitch. If you are looking for a way to give more meaning to the holidays, consider volunteering your time. Here are some ways in which you can get your family into the giving spirit this holiday season.

1. Homeless shelters or soup kitchens

This is a busy time of year for such organizations. Volunteering your time to help feed and shelter those in need will help the shelter staff as well as the needy. Putting a face on people who are less fortunate can have an impact on your family, and induce a sense of gratitude.

2. Charities

Meals on Wheels, Good Will, and local charities need help during the holidays. Donations of food or money are welcome, but time is especially helpful – we all know how precious time is these days. You can help organize food baskets for food pantries, make and deliver meals to shut-ins, or pass out hot drinks to charity workers.

Your community likely has a “secret Santa” program or other event that organizes and delivers toys to needy children. Why not take some time to clean out and donate some of your excess items, or purchase a toy for a less fortunate child? Delivering such gifts can be a meaningful experience as well.

3. Church programs 

Most churches have food pantries or other programs for needy people, and help is welcome. Some churches have groups who visit shut-ins and sing carols, and anyone can participate. There are also Christmas food baskets that need to be organized and delivered, and like other charities, churches will often collect and deliver toys to needy children.

4. Assisted living or nursing homes

The holidays can be very lonely for residents in personal care homes. Elderly people miss their deceased friends and family at this time of year, and they also may miss their homes and their old life. Bring some holiday spirit to these special people by visiting, singing carols, or making and passing out cards.

The staff of assisted living facilities also needs some help and encouragement at this busy time of year – workers are often on vacation, leaving fewer staff. Bring the nurses and other workers a plate of cookies or hand out cards.

5. Soldiers in the military

Organizations such as Any Soldier put together and distribute care packages for soldiers stationed overseas, and volunteers are appreciated. Your family can make home-made cards to include in the package, too.  

Giving to others is the best way to make the holidays more meaningful, and giving the gift of your time is one of the most meaningful gifts. The best perk though is that volunteering together as a family can create a long lasting bond.

Kids like to be involved in the kitchen. They want to be a part of the action and it is a great place for learning and bonding. Kitchen stands are becoming a hot item among natural, attached moms because they make it so easy to bring the kids into the kitchen with us. Take a look at this review of the Kinder Perch, a sustainable US option that is much better than the learning Tower.

Early childhood caries has risen to the top of the list of childhood diseases with over 25 percent of children affected. Dentists will attribute poor oral hygiene, nighttime nursing and starchy foods as the cause. Unfortunately, many of the affected children do brush their teeth well, eat a reasonable diet, and not all of them nurse at night, so there has to be some other underlying cause.

I have a child with early childhood caries. Our saga began when we noticed one of her front teeth was rapidly decaying before she turned two. A visit to the family dentist found six of her upper teeth were essentially dissolving. The pediatric dentist who saw her next recommended surgery under anesthesia where the affected teeth would be cleaned out and fitted with metal crowns. My husband and I opted to take a wait and see approach and explore the possibility of our daughter’s caries being nutritionally related. A year later, we have managed to arrest her caries through improving her diet, and it is this information I want to share with you.

The most important dietary change is to eliminate all refined flour and sugar. While most of us look at white flour as a non-nutrient, for a child suffering from dental caries, white flour is downright toxic. As a parent, you can be doing everything else right, but continued exposure to white flour can negate all other efforts. You can’t just switch over to whole wheat products, either, as whole wheat often means mostly white flour with a bit of whole wheat flour thrown in for good measure. You have to make your baked goods from scratch and the safest ones are those made from freshly ground sprouted wheat berries. Additionally, the flour should be presoaked in a solution containing yogurt or whey to improve the digestibility. My daughter does not get any baked goods unless I have made them myself.

Eliminating sugar may seem obvious. White sugar is a no-no, but so are the various natural unrefined sweeteners out there, including Rapadura, Sucanat, date sugar, honey, and stevia. Foods high in natural sugars should be limited, and possibly avoided altogether at first, especially if your child is experiencing tooth pain.

You should implement a steady supplementation program using high vitamin butter oil and fermented cod liver oil, both available at www.greenpasture.org and www.radiantlifecatalog.com. The two supplements should be given together two to three times a day with food. The food you provide your child should be rich in fat and protein. Foods that will fight dental decay include liver and bone marrow and eggs from pastured animals, raw milk, cream and butter from pastured cows, wild-caught salmon, whole clams and mussels, whole crabs, and steak. Blended soups based with bone broth are excellent because you can include lots of fresh vegetables and you can sneak in a generous amount of liver. Fermented vegetable preparations like sauerkraut and beet kvass are also highly nutritious if your child will take them.

The main principle in treating dental caries through nutrition is to follow the principles of the Weston Price Foundation, which call for foods in their whole, natural state, and to avoid processed foods that are devoid of nutrients.

Many parents spend what should be a joyful time – pregnancy – worrying about how they’re going to buy all the gear babies need in time for the little one’s arrival. Are there any ways to get the items you need for the new arrival without spending a lot of money? Absolutely. Here are some of the things to keep in mind that will not only save you money but also be kinder on the environment.

Reassess
The first step is to reassess what you will really need once baby arrives. If this isn’t your first child, you probably have a lot of stuff left over from a previous baby that you could use, assuming you saved things.

If this is your first child, understand that much of the baby stuff that is being marketed as essential is not truly needed in the first place, and is even designed to keep you away from your baby. For example, it is not necessary to create and furnish a nursery at all. Babies and even toddlers couldn’t care less if they had fancy bedding with matching décor. All they want is your time and presence, food and warm clothing. Your baby will likely be happiest if he or she sleeps near you. Bassinettes are generally far cheaper than cribs. Or you can skip the whole thing and let baby sleep with you.

Babies can also play with ordinary household items with your supervision and often prefer these things over the fanciest store bought toys! Wooden spoons, plastic food containers, items from nature and other easily obtainable items stimulate your baby’s creativity and cost nothing because you already own them. Challenge yourself to create a “treasure box” of safe, everyday items you find around your home that your baby could play with. When you do buy toys, focus on high quality, classic items like wooden blocks. These will last for multiple children and experts believe that open ended toys are better for your child’s brain development than fancy flashy battery operated ones. 

Multi Task
Buy baby gear items that serve multiple purposes. A baby sling is the perfect example of this. A baby sling can make a baby swing and exercauser unnecessary. A sling can even stand in for a stroller. Slings are highly portable and can be used to feed a baby discreetly in public, comfort them when they’re upset, and gentle them to sleep. Your baby will thrive developmentally and cry less if she or he is “worn” close to your body. Baby slings can be made cheaply or bought inexpensively.

Obtain Used
As long as you are careful not to purchase items that have been recalled, buying used is an excellent option to help you save money. High quality clothing, cloth diapers, toys, books, furniture and much more is available at yard sales, consignment shops, thrift stores, online auctions and even places like Craigslist and Freecycle. Buying used is also kinder on the environment since it is a practice of reusing, and used items generally have no packaging attached. 

Ask
If your friends or relatives throw you a baby shower, tell people what you really need. Don’t be afraid to ask for practical gifts like cloth diapers, plenty of stylist yet unfussy everyday t shirts and pants for your young baby, and other necessary items. You could also ask friends and loved ones to buy you things like a baby food grinder so you can make your own baby food once baby is eating solids, which also saves you money. And what new mom wouldn’t appreciate a book full of coupons for free babysitting?

Getting what you need for baby without going broke just involves a little forethought and creativity. Be open minded and keep “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle” firmly in mind too.

One new craze that has been reappearing over the last few of years is wearing your baby in a sling, wrap, or baby carrier. There are hundreds of companies now available that make these slings, wraps and baby carriers so you can literally wear your baby whenever you want. Many different styles ensure that you will find the best fit you and your baby but why wear your baby at all?

With attachment parenting becoming more mainstream, more and more moms are learning about the benefits of wearing your baby and want to try it themselves. In case you haven’t heard all about these benefits, check out the ones listed below.

One really nice benefit is that your baby is always very close to you. They spent many months inside their mother’s body, warm and secure and connected to her, so this is where they are used to being and love being, with you. They can hear your heart beat, feel your warmth and smell your scent as well. It is wonderful for moms and dads to wear their babies close and be able to look down at them often and talk to them, helping to develop that deep attachment that is so important. The love they feel from you is something that they will thrive on, and the closer they are to you, the more they can thrive.

Another benefit with the newborns especially is they can easily be fed and you are always ready to feed them. The slings especially allow you to easily slip them inside a protective pouch for some discreet breastfeeding. Even if you do bottle feed you can use the sling to help you hold them. They will feel cradled and loved in these positions and possibly fall asleep from in comfort.

Believe it or not, the slings and carriers that are coming out are actually good for your back. There used to be carriers that were like a backpack and they did wear on your back a bit, now though with the slings available they put the weight of the baby in just the right spot so there is less stress on your back. Even as they grow older, up to 25 pounds the slings are better for your back than carrying them around on your hip.

When you have a new baby one of the things that seems to cross every moms mind is getting rid of baby fat. You can’t wait to shed those pounds. This is another benefit of baby wearing. Carrying around that little bundle of joy all the time adds to the calories you burn.

One last huge benefit of baby wearing is it gives other family members the chance to be close to baby and bond with them as well. If you are breastfeeding it can be tough on the others that waited with you for this special bundle, especially dad. Have him slip a sling on and carry the baby to get some of that ultra bonding time with the baby.

Baby wearing is a great experience for mom, dad, and baby; you can find slings all over the Internet that will work great for this activity. If you aren’t having a baby soon, definitely keep these in mind for baby showers and new baby gifts.

A fundamental part of being a natural lifestyle in an unnatural world is to question conventional wisdom.  Conventional wisdom isn’t necessarily wrong.  We just need to shed the attitude that so many people can’t be wrong.  The truth is that a lot of conventional wisdom isn’t so much believed by the masses as it is propagandized by people who stand to gain from it.  The mainstream media is a huge propaganda tool of conventional wisdom, which is why questioning it becomes instantly easier once you give up watching television.

Here is a working list of some conventional wisdom I have encountered and questioned.  I’m not going to tell you what to do with it, other than quit assuming it’s true. Do your own research and make a truly informed decision.  What you decide about these things will have profound ripple effects on the way you raise your children.

1.      Vaccinations are necessary for good health.  There is solid research questioning the safety and efficacy of just about every vaccine.  In addition, the diseases vaccines are supposed to prevent are for the most part avoided or mitigated by good nutrition and some very noninvasive treatments.  You owe it to yourself and your children to become informed on the issue.  Even if you choose to give them vaccines, they will benefit from your knowledge of the risks and alternatives.

2. Fat is bad for you.  This is patently false and ignorance of this can cost your children immeasurably in terms of their health.  Visit the Weston Price Web site (www.westonaprice.org) for information on the importance of fats in the diets of growing children.  Resolve now to quit buying them skim milk and get them whole milk, preferably raw milk from a grass fed cow instead.

3. Pasteurization makes milk safer and healthier.  False again.  Many learned people smarter than me have argued that raw milk is the only milk fit for human consumption. It certainly tastes better! What’s more, many who thought they were lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy do just fine on raw milk. Check out www.realmilk.com for more information and to find a supply of raw milk near you.

4. Babies have no control over their elimination functions.  This is the primary assumption behind the use of diapers, disposable and otherwise.  The truth is babies can control those functions from birth and with gentle encouragement, often do. Parents all over the world have learned to tune in to their baby’s potty needs. The idea that babies cannot control their elimination is a very modern, American idea. You don’t have to ditch diapers to practice elimination communication with your baby, but it’s helpful to at least be aware that there are numerous babies who have never worn one.

5. The doctor knows everything.  Doctors are trained to practice medicine and go through intense schooling to be able to do so.  We’re all grateful for their expertise in emergency situation. However, that doesn’t mean they are the only ones who can know something about health, and they certainly do not know your child as well as you do.  According to famed Pediatrician Robert Mendelsohn, mothers (and grandmothers) are the best Doctors of all. You have the right to work with your doctor as an equal partner, to educate yourself about the health issues affecting your family, and to understand that he doesn’t always know what is best. Ultimately the responsibility lies with the parent.

Consensual Living or CL is based on the notion individuals in relationship with each other can exist in a way that avoids conflict through fair and democratic recognition of each others needs and effective communication.

CL is sometimes considered a parenting philosophy, where children are considered to have an equal say in family decision making.  This may either sound chaotic or unrealistic but by reviewing the principles of CL I think you’ll agree that it can form the basis for a family lifestyle that is not only balanced and nurturing but educational as well.

The main principles involved in CL are: equality, trust and self-determination.

Equality
In a family that has embraced consensual living, the principle of equality is very important.  What this means is that the thoughts, feelings and needs of each individual involved are equally valued and equally considered.

Each member of the community/family is not just considered equal they each must truly feel equal and that is an important distinction.

Trust
Direct, honest and sincere communication is an expectation of individuals choosing the consensual living lifestyle.  Each member of the family must trust that all members are being truthful when sharing their wants or needs or suggesting solutions to an issue or problem.

It is so important that in times of conflict, each member of the family trusts that together the family will arrive at a mutually agreeable solution.

Self-Determination
In this model or approach to living it is believed that only the individual is capable of making decisions that are right for him.  Of course it is hoped that each individual will have the ability to access the kind of information he or she needs to make informed decisions about the course of life they choose.

The principles of consensual living outlined above provide a foundation for parents to raise children this parenting approach and family lifestyle.  One reason why this is considered such an ideal parenting approach is because it is a lifestyle that supports effective conflict resolution.

Essentially we have children and/or teens and adults in a CL family who regard each other as equals, have explicit trust in one another, and feel empowered to make decisions about their own destiny.  This sounds wonderful but it also sounds like the kind of situation where you will have conflict – especially when there individuals pursuing their own self-determination goals.

CL can work beautifully in these situations.  Yes there will be differences of opinion since in a CL family each person will have an opportunity to communicate their particular need or vision and that may not be the same as another family member’s vision of need.  Those differences of opinion, however, are valued and considered because that is the basis for CL.

A family is then able to continue the exploration and discussion of each person’s perspectives until a mutually agreeable solution is reached.  The process won’t necessarily be quick or easy but it will be inclusive.  A wonderful benefit of this process is the impact that it has on younger children.  As children mature they are able to take these problem-solving abilities with them into other personal and business relationships.

Parents around the world have “worn” their babies in various types of hand made slings for many years.  Today we use the term “babywearing” to describe a way of carrying or transporting our children that creates a positive experience for the parent and the child.

A stroller transports a baby from point A to point B.  But “babywearing” is more than a transport method.  It’s a beautifully creative way to meet the functional needs of daily life while serving the more emotional and developmental needs of baby and parents.  Babywearing is a very natural and human way to introduce our children to the world and to nurture their confidence.

New parents are often counseled by well meaning friends not to hold or pick up an infant too much for fear of spoiling him. So when the baby isn’t being fed, bathed or played with, he is “put down” to sleep. If the baby doesn’t want to sleep he might cry or might simply stare wide eyed at whatever is available to grab his attention—likely a mobile or some corner of the ceiling.

On the other hand, parents who use baby slings carry their child around with them throughout various parts of their day.  The child’s sleeping schedule fits in with mom or dads mobility schedule!

Many claim that babywearing results in children who cry less.  This claim has been observed in other cultures throughout the world where women carry their children around in slings as they go about their daily work or routine.

Advocates believe babies worn in a sling learn more and learn faster.  Sling babies spend more time in a state of “quiet alertness.”  This is a behavioral state in which an infant is calm and content and more likely to have real and positive interaction with his environment.  So during these periods as a child listens to his mother speak or watches others as they speak and gesture towards his mother he is learning about language and movement and social behaviors.

Experts believe that brain growth and development is spurred by the environmental experiences made a available to an infant who is carried in his parent’s sling.  Sling positioning (across the chest, along the hip, facing in or out) allows infants to be closer to people.  With this kind of proximity babies can study facial expressions, develop language skills and learn body language much faster than they would positioned in a car seat, stroller or crib. 

Some contend that parenting abilities are enhanced through babywearing because the mother’s progesterone (mothering hormone) is increased through the constant and close physical contact with her child. More progesterone can help a mother to feel more positive, relaxed and happy caring for her child.
Breastfeeding is another activity that can be enhanced by babywearing.  The positioning of the baby in the sling can make breastfeeding more comfortable and accessible for babies and mothers.  Depending on their physiology, some mothers can nurse “hands-free” while doing activities in the home or outside.  Where breastfeeding is not possible, babywearing can help to encourage closeness during bottle feeding.

One of the best things about babywearing is that it brings parents and their children together in a way that enhances the parent/child relationship and the natural development of the child.

The Moby Wrap!

A question from reader Jess:

My husband and I are having a hard time getting our 7 year old to clean his room. His room gets so bad that I am afraid someone will kill themselves trying to walk through it. Yesterday we decided he needed to clean it but he just wouldn’t do. He kept sneaking out or he sat and played in it and didn’t clean. We resorted to yelling and then eventually to a spanking and yet he still didn’t clean his room. I also felt terrible after he got spanked and he sat in his room sobbing. But he needs to be able to clean his room on his own. What should we have done differently?

Sorry that you are having such a tough time with this issue. Here are a few ideas to help avoid this scenario in the future.

First, it sounds as though your son’s room would take a lot of time to clean if it was as bad as you described. That was probably too much for a 7 year old to handle. Not only was the thought of cleaning that room overwhelming to him he may not have the skills required yet. I have a son about the same age and he can also let his room get out of control if we let it go too long. When that happens I go in and clean it with him, giving him jobs to do and showing him first hand how to get it clean. I don’t worry one bit that he won’t learn to clean it himself….how will he learn unless I repeatedly show him?

Before bed each night I also go in and do a quick once over for him..perhaps giving one job to do…like taking his laundry downstairs or picking up his art supplies. Doing this little bit each night helps us keep it from getting too bad. Cleaning his room together allows me to teach him how to clean and it allows me to see what activities and art projects he is working on and discuss them with him. We both enjoy this time spent together.

Next time your son’s room gets out of control get your hands dirty and clean it with him. I don’t think you are really afraid he won’t know how to clean a room as an adult if you help him as a child. So why worry about making him do it on his own? In fact, when my bedroom needs cleaned I often ask the kids to help me out or my husband and I do it together. I CAN clean it on my own but it goes much faster and it is more enjoyable if I have help. Just put yourself in your children’s shoes….if it was your room would you want to be stuck in there cleaning it all day by yourself? Probably not.