One new craze that has been reappearing over the last few of years is wearing your baby in a sling, wrap, or baby carrier. There are hundreds of companies now available that make these slings, wraps and baby carriers so you can literally wear your baby whenever you want. Many different styles ensure that you will find the best fit you and your baby but why wear your baby at all?

With attachment parenting becoming more mainstream, more and more moms are learning about the benefits of wearing your baby and want to try it themselves. In case you haven’t heard all about these benefits, check out the ones listed below.

One really nice benefit is that your baby is always very close to you. They spent many months inside their mother’s body, warm and secure and connected to her, so this is where they are used to being and love being, with you. They can hear your heart beat, feel your warmth and smell your scent as well. It is wonderful for moms and dads to wear their babies close and be able to look down at them often and talk to them, helping to develop that deep attachment that is so important. The love they feel from you is something that they will thrive on, and the closer they are to you, the more they can thrive.

Another benefit with the newborns especially is they can easily be fed and you are always ready to feed them. The slings especially allow you to easily slip them inside a protective pouch for some discreet breastfeeding. Even if you do bottle feed you can use the sling to help you hold them. They will feel cradled and loved in these positions and possibly fall asleep from in comfort.

Believe it or not, the slings and carriers that are coming out are actually good for your back. There used to be carriers that were like a backpack and they did wear on your back a bit, now though with the slings available they put the weight of the baby in just the right spot so there is less stress on your back. Even as they grow older, up to 25 pounds the slings are better for your back than carrying them around on your hip.

When you have a new baby one of the things that seems to cross every moms mind is getting rid of baby fat. You can’t wait to shed those pounds. This is another benefit of baby wearing. Carrying around that little bundle of joy all the time adds to the calories you burn.

One last huge benefit of baby wearing is it gives other family members the chance to be close to baby and bond with them as well. If you are breastfeeding it can be tough on the others that waited with you for this special bundle, especially dad. Have him slip a sling on and carry the baby to get some of that ultra bonding time with the baby.

Baby wearing is a great experience for mom, dad, and baby; you can find slings all over the Internet that will work great for this activity. If you aren’t having a baby soon, definitely keep these in mind for baby showers and new baby gifts.

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A fundamental part of being a natural lifestyle in an unnatural world is to question conventional wisdom.  Conventional wisdom isn’t necessarily wrong.  We just need to shed the attitude that so many people can’t be wrong.  The truth is that a lot of conventional wisdom isn’t so much believed by the masses as it is propagandized by people who stand to gain from it.  The mainstream media is a huge propaganda tool of conventional wisdom, which is why questioning it becomes instantly easier once you give up watching television.

Here is a working list of some conventional wisdom I have encountered and questioned.  I’m not going to tell you what to do with it, other than quit assuming it’s true. Do your own research and make a truly informed decision.  What you decide about these things will have profound ripple effects on the way you raise your children.

1.      Vaccinations are necessary for good health.  There is solid research questioning the safety and efficacy of just about every vaccine.  In addition, the diseases vaccines are supposed to prevent are for the most part avoided or mitigated by good nutrition and some very noninvasive treatments.  You owe it to yourself and your children to become informed on the issue.  Even if you choose to give them vaccines, they will benefit from your knowledge of the risks and alternatives.

2. Fat is bad for you.  This is patently false and ignorance of this can cost your children immeasurably in terms of their health.  Visit the Weston Price Web site (www.westonaprice.org) for information on the importance of fats in the diets of growing children.  Resolve now to quit buying them skim milk and get them whole milk, preferably raw milk from a grass fed cow instead.

3. Pasteurization makes milk safer and healthier.  False again.  Many learned people smarter than me have argued that raw milk is the only milk fit for human consumption. It certainly tastes better! What’s more, many who thought they were lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy do just fine on raw milk. Check out www.realmilk.com for more information and to find a supply of raw milk near you.

4. Babies have no control over their elimination functions.  This is the primary assumption behind the use of diapers, disposable and otherwise.  The truth is babies can control those functions from birth and with gentle encouragement, often do. Parents all over the world have learned to tune in to their baby’s potty needs. The idea that babies cannot control their elimination is a very modern, American idea. You don’t have to ditch diapers to practice elimination communication with your baby, but it’s helpful to at least be aware that there are numerous babies who have never worn one.

5. The doctor knows everything.  Doctors are trained to practice medicine and go through intense schooling to be able to do so.  We’re all grateful for their expertise in emergency situation. However, that doesn’t mean they are the only ones who can know something about health, and they certainly do not know your child as well as you do.  According to famed Pediatrician Robert Mendelsohn, mothers (and grandmothers) are the best Doctors of all. You have the right to work with your doctor as an equal partner, to educate yourself about the health issues affecting your family, and to understand that he doesn’t always know what is best. Ultimately the responsibility lies with the parent.

Consensual Living or CL is based on the notion individuals in relationship with each other can exist in a way that avoids conflict through fair and democratic recognition of each others needs and effective communication.

CL is sometimes considered a parenting philosophy, where children are considered to have an equal say in family decision making.  This may either sound chaotic or unrealistic but by reviewing the principles of CL I think you’ll agree that it can form the basis for a family lifestyle that is not only balanced and nurturing but educational as well.

The main principles involved in CL are: equality, trust and self-determination.

Equality
In a family that has embraced consensual living, the principle of equality is very important.  What this means is that the thoughts, feelings and needs of each individual involved are equally valued and equally considered.

Each member of the community/family is not just considered equal they each must truly feel equal and that is an important distinction.

Trust
Direct, honest and sincere communication is an expectation of individuals choosing the consensual living lifestyle.  Each member of the family must trust that all members are being truthful when sharing their wants or needs or suggesting solutions to an issue or problem.

It is so important that in times of conflict, each member of the family trusts that together the family will arrive at a mutually agreeable solution.

Self-Determination
In this model or approach to living it is believed that only the individual is capable of making decisions that are right for him.  Of course it is hoped that each individual will have the ability to access the kind of information he or she needs to make informed decisions about the course of life they choose.

The principles of consensual living outlined above provide a foundation for parents to raise children this parenting approach and family lifestyle.  One reason why this is considered such an ideal parenting approach is because it is a lifestyle that supports effective conflict resolution.

Essentially we have children and/or teens and adults in a CL family who regard each other as equals, have explicit trust in one another, and feel empowered to make decisions about their own destiny.  This sounds wonderful but it also sounds like the kind of situation where you will have conflict – especially when there individuals pursuing their own self-determination goals.

CL can work beautifully in these situations.  Yes there will be differences of opinion since in a CL family each person will have an opportunity to communicate their particular need or vision and that may not be the same as another family member’s vision of need.  Those differences of opinion, however, are valued and considered because that is the basis for CL.

A family is then able to continue the exploration and discussion of each person’s perspectives until a mutually agreeable solution is reached.  The process won’t necessarily be quick or easy but it will be inclusive.  A wonderful benefit of this process is the impact that it has on younger children.  As children mature they are able to take these problem-solving abilities with them into other personal and business relationships.

Parents around the world have “worn” their babies in various types of hand made slings for many years.  Today we use the term “babywearing” to describe a way of carrying or transporting our children that creates a positive experience for the parent and the child.

A stroller transports a baby from point A to point B.  But “babywearing” is more than a transport method.  It’s a beautifully creative way to meet the functional needs of daily life while serving the more emotional and developmental needs of baby and parents.  Babywearing is a very natural and human way to introduce our children to the world and to nurture their confidence.

New parents are often counseled by well meaning friends not to hold or pick up an infant too much for fear of spoiling him. So when the baby isn’t being fed, bathed or played with, he is “put down” to sleep. If the baby doesn’t want to sleep he might cry or might simply stare wide eyed at whatever is available to grab his attention—likely a mobile or some corner of the ceiling.

On the other hand, parents who use baby slings carry their child around with them throughout various parts of their day.  The child’s sleeping schedule fits in with mom or dads mobility schedule!

Many claim that babywearing results in children who cry less.  This claim has been observed in other cultures throughout the world where women carry their children around in slings as they go about their daily work or routine.

Advocates believe babies worn in a sling learn more and learn faster.  Sling babies spend more time in a state of “quiet alertness.”  This is a behavioral state in which an infant is calm and content and more likely to have real and positive interaction with his environment.  So during these periods as a child listens to his mother speak or watches others as they speak and gesture towards his mother he is learning about language and movement and social behaviors.

Experts believe that brain growth and development is spurred by the environmental experiences made a available to an infant who is carried in his parent’s sling.  Sling positioning (across the chest, along the hip, facing in or out) allows infants to be closer to people.  With this kind of proximity babies can study facial expressions, develop language skills and learn body language much faster than they would positioned in a car seat, stroller or crib. 

Some contend that parenting abilities are enhanced through babywearing because the mother’s progesterone (mothering hormone) is increased through the constant and close physical contact with her child. More progesterone can help a mother to feel more positive, relaxed and happy caring for her child.
Breastfeeding is another activity that can be enhanced by babywearing.  The positioning of the baby in the sling can make breastfeeding more comfortable and accessible for babies and mothers.  Depending on their physiology, some mothers can nurse “hands-free” while doing activities in the home or outside.  Where breastfeeding is not possible, babywearing can help to encourage closeness during bottle feeding.

One of the best things about babywearing is that it brings parents and their children together in a way that enhances the parent/child relationship and the natural development of the child.

The Moby Wrap!

A question from reader Jess:

My husband and I are having a hard time getting our 7 year old to clean his room. His room gets so bad that I am afraid someone will kill themselves trying to walk through it. Yesterday we decided he needed to clean it but he just wouldn’t do. He kept sneaking out or he sat and played in it and didn’t clean. We resorted to yelling and then eventually to a spanking and yet he still didn’t clean his room. I also felt terrible after he got spanked and he sat in his room sobbing. But he needs to be able to clean his room on his own. What should we have done differently?

Sorry that you are having such a tough time with this issue. Here are a few ideas to help avoid this scenario in the future.

First, it sounds as though your son’s room would take a lot of time to clean if it was as bad as you described. That was probably too much for a 7 year old to handle. Not only was the thought of cleaning that room overwhelming to him he may not have the skills required yet. I have a son about the same age and he can also let his room get out of control if we let it go too long. When that happens I go in and clean it with him, giving him jobs to do and showing him first hand how to get it clean. I don’t worry one bit that he won’t learn to clean it himself….how will he learn unless I repeatedly show him?

Before bed each night I also go in and do a quick once over for him..perhaps giving one job to do…like taking his laundry downstairs or picking up his art supplies. Doing this little bit each night helps us keep it from getting too bad. Cleaning his room together allows me to teach him how to clean and it allows me to see what activities and art projects he is working on and discuss them with him. We both enjoy this time spent together.

Next time your son’s room gets out of control get your hands dirty and clean it with him. I don’t think you are really afraid he won’t know how to clean a room as an adult if you help him as a child. So why worry about making him do it on his own? In fact, when my bedroom needs cleaned I often ask the kids to help me out or my husband and I do it together. I CAN clean it on my own but it goes much faster and it is more enjoyable if I have help. Just put yourself in your children’s shoes….if it was your room would you want to be stuck in there cleaning it all day by yourself? Probably not.

A child misbehaves by poking, kicking or similarly assaulting another child. The parent grabs him by the arm and slaps him for hitting that child. “Don’t Hit,” they may even yell. Hmm…what’s wrong with this scenario?

Spanking teaches children that violence is the solution to problems. Hitting teaches that we can and should use physical coersion to get what we want. Not only does spanking teach things that are surely contrary to what we actually want it can errode the trust between parent and child too.

Essentially when we talk about discipline we are talking about behavior that we would like to correct in our children.  What better way to teach our children then to model good behavior and behave in a way that is considered respectful, fair and appropriate.  Hitting or spanking a child is a behavior not considered respectful or even civil so why would we subject children to such “behavior”? Furthermore we should only discipline in ways that make us feel good about our actions. Can you discipline in front of an audience and not feel ashamed? If not, then something is wrong.

There are many advocates for corporal punishment (spanking) that argue that children who misbehave will only respond to a good spanking and that parents who do not spank such kids “spoil” them. We hear the “spare the rod” advice all to often.  As stated above, spanking teaches kids that violence is okay and the “rod” referred to in the Bible is not a physical rod to spank with but instead is a symbol for teaching and guiding.

One of TV’s more popular advice experts, psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw, notes on his website that research has shown that “long-term consequences of spanking can include increased aggressiveness, antisocial behavior, and delinquency.” Does that sound like something we want? Surely not!

No matter what immediate benefits that spanking may bring (stopping the misbehavior)  do we as parents want to accept the potential long term consequences? Is it worth it?

In many cases parents spank because they simply don’t have any better ideas or approaches to stop the misbehavior that does not include spanking. Many parents simply raise their children in the manner in which they were brought up. Often times parents do things without even being aware that they are repeating a behavior they were taught as a child. You can break the cycle!

So how do parents break the “spanking cycle”?  A good way is to become informed about the alternative ways of discipline. These alternatives may be more time consuming and frustrating but on one ever said parenting was easy.

Take the time to talk to your child.  It may take a while for your child to respond to “talking” but with consistency and firmness in your approach it can be a much more satisfying and educational moment for both you and your child.

Whether the child is 3 or 9, taking the time to express and communicate your displeasure with a behavior is a rich learning moment.  It may not feel that way at the time, but by honesty and sincerely expressing your discontent in language that reaches your child, you are showing real concern and engaging your child in a way that teaches him respect and good communication.

The consistent show of respect and patience in listening to your child explain his behavior will teach your child the importance of dignity and compassion during those times when it matters most.

You will be exhausted and it will take likely far greater effort than a spanking, but the benefit will far outweigh the inconvenience of fatigue.  You don’t have to be perfect as a parent; you just have to be willing to take each disciplinary experience as a learning one for you and your child.

More reading:

Positive Discipline

The Discipline Book

ADVENTURES IN GENTLE DISCIPLINE

The No-Cry Discipline Solution

Self-esteem is important throughout life, but it is in childhood when its foundation is laid.  It’s our job as parents to help our children build self-esteem.  We may do and say things that are bad for our kids’ self-esteem without even realizing it, so it is important to make a conscious effort to help them develop and maintain a positive opinion about themselves.

Listening to Your Child

One thing that parents often overlook is the fact that children need us to listen to what they have to say.  When we don’t, they feel unworthy of our attention.  And that can put a damper on their self-esteem.

Making it a point to listen fully to what your child has to say will let him know that you value his stories and opinions.  Sometimes we just don’t have the time to listen at the very moment they want to talk, but it’s important to let them know that it’s not because we don’t want to.  Set a time to sit down and talk if necessary, and stick with it.

When Your Child Misbehaves

When children are misbehaving, it is easy to forget about keeping their self-esteem intact.  But it is very important to make the distinction between bad behavior and a bad child.

By describing the specific behavior as bad rather than telling your child that he himself is bad, you can let him know that it is not him as a person that you disapprove of.  It is his actions.  Children who feel that their parents disapprove of them are not only more likely to develop low self-esteem, they also tend to misbehave more.

Give the Right Kinds of Compliments

Complementing your child when he does well is important, because it reinforces both self-esteem and good behavior.  But even complements can sometimes do damage.  Backhanded complements do nothing but cause hurt feelings.  Try to refrain from alluding to negative things your child has done when giving complements.  You can accomplish much more by keeping praise completely positive.

It’s also important not to overdo the praise.  While it is great to recognize the good things your child does, it is possible to put too much pressure on him.  Being specific with your praise, such as telling your child you are proud of him for bringing his math grade up from a C to an A, accomplishes more than telling him that he is the smartest kid in the class or the world.

It is important to start building a child’s self-esteem at a young age.  Doing so will encourage him to be the best that he can be and to resist peer pressure.  By listening to our children and keeping their self-esteem in mind at all times, we can raise them to be happy, confident people.

Self-esteem is important for any child’s development. He needs it to grow into a confident adult later in life. When a child lacks in self-esteem growing up, then he has a tougher time handling his everyday troubles.

In severe cases, children have resorted to committing suicide over low self-esteem issues.

In order for them to start building confidence in themselves, you’ll need to sit back and take a look at what you’re doing to encourage them in their lives.

Your child needs your guidance and nurturing all throughout his life. Some of the mistakes that parents make with their children, without even realizing it, are focusing too much on their children’s weaknesses and not enough on their strong points.

No child, or adult for that matter, is perfect - so there’s no need to constantly remind them of that every day. Children need to be taught right from wrong, but you shouldn’t harp on the fact that they never get anything right.

You’re there to help them realize their mistakes, help them to learn from them, and show them how to change paths and turn something from a negative into a positive. Focusing on the mistakes they make will only lower their self-esteem and make them feel like they can’t do anything right.

Some children only hear the negative things and nothing about the positive. Sometimes parents forget to praise their children for the good things they do. It’s those moments in a child’s life that allows them to build confidence within themselves.

Sometimes children need to be given a little more responsibility so that they have ample opportunity to achieve something. Those who aren’t given the chance equate it with not being good enough to do anything.

It dampers their spirit and will eventually control them to the point where they won’t want to try to achieve anything for fear of yet another failure. Give them some kind of responsibility that’s appropriate for their age and skillset.

Children look up to their parents.  In their eyes, you’re superhuman, but that can sometimes result in low confidence in themselves when they start to think that they could never live up to you.

Don’t be afraid to let them know (and see) your imperfections. It’s a lot easier on them when they realize that you make mistakes, too.  For families with more than one child, competition arises for their parent’s attention and affection.

Each child needs to be treated individually according to how you feel they need it, but the accolades they receive should be equal in abundance.  Help your child deal with the turmoil of everyday life as they move from childhood to adult by building their self-esteem a little bit each day.

Technorati Tags: self esteem, children, child, self-esteem, family, development, nurturing

As parents who wish to raise our children consciously and with love and respect, we can’t always do what comes naturally. Our knee jerk responses to our kid’s less than stellar behavior is often a reflection of our own parents choices. While that may be a good thing, it isn’t always so. We may be choosing to parent quite differently than our own parents did. That isn’t an indictment of them any more than choosing to go breastfeed is a rejection of a mother who formula fed us. It simply means that we’ve decided to make different choices that seem right to us given our knowledge, experience and comfort level.

Parenting consciously means taking the time to think before responding. Instead of doing what everyone else does, we choose our responses and pass them through our filter. We endeavor to parent according to higher standards that may include gentleness, minimizing punishment as a discipline tool, and respect for our child’s understanding and development. And yet in the “heat of the moment”, these higher standards can easily elude us! Here are some ways we can take back control of ourselves first, so we can help our children learn self control.

1) Tame the anger beast. Standard psychological wisdom for years has claimed that letting out your anger was cathartic, therapeutic, and that “holding our feelings in” was bad for our emotional and physical health.

 You know what? That so-called wisdom turned out to be bunk! Now, science has shone light on a different truth thanks to numerous studies on the subject: That expressing anger is actually destructive to our health, that anger is harmful to close relationships, and that it becomes an almost addictive trap that we can’t escape from when we indulge in it. I use the word indulge intentionally, because when we scream at our kids or “vent” on our loved ones, we’re actually indulging our baser instincts, not our higher selves. And then we have the nerve to feel justified because they “pushed our buttons”! So it would behoove us to learn anger management strategies before we damage the relationships with those we love the most.

2) Practice, practice, practice. Have you had a day when you settled down into your pillow at night totally happy with how you treated your kids? What made that day different? Did you spend a lot of time outside? Had you had a good nights’ sleep? Did you get some exercise? Did you leave the room and give yourself a time out? Did you give yourself a break to just relax? Did you count to ten or pray for wisdom?  Take note of what you did. Actually write it down, and commit to practicing that tactic again. It’s likely one that works for you. Instead of trying to change yourself into someone else, do what works for you. Practicing that behavior again and again makes it your habit, and it will serve you well the next time you’re in the situation.

Taking charge of our parenting is a bit like taking charge of our money. Whether we set a budget to discipline ourselves or put credit cards in the freezer to make it difficult to overspend, we can also put our parenting in the area of the conscious instead of the unconscious.

Most anyone, whether they come from a Judeo-Christian background or not, has heard of the Golden Rule. Basically, the Golden Rule has empathy at its heart. It states that we should treat others how we want to be treated. It is a simple but positive rule of conduct that can guide us in many areas, but let’s focus on parenting for a moment.

How can a parent use the Golden Rule to deepen their relationship with their kids and be more effective in their discipline?

We can think about how we sound
We probably get in trouble with our mouths more than any other way. As the saying goes, we
write checks with our mouths that our backs can’t cash. How many times do we speak
harshly to our kids and regret that? How often do we say things we regret? And yet how do we
feel about people who talk to us that way? Do we respect and admire them? Probably, we want
to get as far as possible from people who are verbally abusive.

Remembering how we want to be spoken to, especially when we’ve goofed and made a mistake, will
serve us well in our parenting. If we’re going to err, let’s err on the side of soft spoken.
We can think about how we act
Have you ever seen an adult behave hypocritically? Perhaps you had a supervisor at work who
was the biggest gossip or slacker, yet who was quick to point out that behavior in others.
How did that make you feel?

Similarly, when our kids see us saying but not doing, we’ve wasted our breath. Kids are very good
at seeing hypocrisy. All the lecturing and punishing in the world will only backfire if we
are hypocritical with our kids.

We can think about how we treat
Do you remember the trials of childhood? Far from being idyllic, childhood can be frustrating,
difficult and even sad at times. I remember being embarrassed and frustrated when I spilled
my drink at the dinner table, and longing to grow up so I wouldn’t be so clumsy.

Remembering how it felt to be powerless, how it felt to wait on adults for what seemed like forever,
and how it felt to have to rely on adults to keep their promises can help us treat our children with
love and empathy.