A fundamental part of being a natural lifestyle in an unnatural world is to question conventional wisdom.  Conventional wisdom isn’t necessarily wrong.  We just need to shed the attitude that so many people can’t be wrong.  The truth is that a lot of conventional wisdom isn’t so much believed by the masses as it is propagandized by people who stand to gain from it.  The mainstream media is a huge propaganda tool of conventional wisdom, which is why questioning it becomes instantly easier once you give up watching television.

Here is a working list of some conventional wisdom I have encountered and questioned.  I’m not going to tell you what to do with it, other than quit assuming it’s true. Do your own research and make a truly informed decision.  What you decide about these things will have profound ripple effects on the way you raise your children.

1.      Vaccinations are necessary for good health.  There is solid research questioning the safety and efficacy of just about every vaccine.  In addition, the diseases vaccines are supposed to prevent are for the most part avoided or mitigated by good nutrition and some very noninvasive treatments.  You owe it to yourself and your children to become informed on the issue.  Even if you choose to give them vaccines, they will benefit from your knowledge of the risks and alternatives.

2. Fat is bad for you.  This is patently false and ignorance of this can cost your children immeasurably in terms of their health.  Visit the Weston Price Web site (www.westonaprice.org) for information on the importance of fats in the diets of growing children.  Resolve now to quit buying them skim milk and get them whole milk, preferably raw milk from a grass fed cow instead.

3. Pasteurization makes milk safer and healthier.  False again.  Many learned people smarter than me have argued that raw milk is the only milk fit for human consumption. It certainly tastes better! What’s more, many who thought they were lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy do just fine on raw milk. Check out www.realmilk.com for more information and to find a supply of raw milk near you.

4. Babies have no control over their elimination functions.  This is the primary assumption behind the use of diapers, disposable and otherwise.  The truth is babies can control those functions from birth and with gentle encouragement, often do. Parents all over the world have learned to tune in to their baby’s potty needs. The idea that babies cannot control their elimination is a very modern, American idea. You don’t have to ditch diapers to practice elimination communication with your baby, but it’s helpful to at least be aware that there are numerous babies who have never worn one.

5. The doctor knows everything.  Doctors are trained to practice medicine and go through intense schooling to be able to do so.  We’re all grateful for their expertise in emergency situation. However, that doesn’t mean they are the only ones who can know something about health, and they certainly do not know your child as well as you do.  According to famed Pediatrician Robert Mendelsohn, mothers (and grandmothers) are the best Doctors of all. You have the right to work with your doctor as an equal partner, to educate yourself about the health issues affecting your family, and to understand that he doesn’t always know what is best. Ultimately the responsibility lies with the parent.

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Part of disciplining a child is about setting boundaries and also about contributing to the healthy development of your child’s character and value system.  As your child gets older and starts to assert his character, you may need to have some patience in order to adequately address disciplining situations.  Remember every word or action you communicate to your son or daughter has a distinct impact on their perception of you and your relationship.  Your words and actions also influence the character development of your child.  Disciplining without a doubt is a serious and important part of your childrearing responsibilities. 

Gentle discipline advocates emphasize patience, firmness and consistency and do not condone physical punishment since the goal is to teach reason, boundaries and sound judgment and to discourage violence.

When your older child misbehaves it is suggested that you acknowledge his growing ability to talk and express his feelings.  Perhaps a calm discussion about the problem or behavior in question is the best way of getting at the problem.  If both of you are not calm, delay the discussion until you are calm. Then try again. When children feel they’re being heard and understood they’re more inclined to follow expectations in the future.

Sometimes older children just need to better understand why a rule is put in place.  Take the time to explain why a certain rule was made and discuss the potential dangers or implications of behavior that violates that rule. 

Be consistent in the way you discipline and make sure the penalty fits the digression.  If kids think they are being treated unfairly they’ll likely rebel and take no new lessons away from the disciplining experience.  Consistency and fairness are very important to older children.

Pick your battles.  Many older children and teens will try to push their boundaries as part of their “biology” and their desire to be their own person, separate and distinct form Mom or Dad.  Boundary pushing can be frequent or infrequent.   Depending on your child and the degree of the violation, you may want to pick your battles.  If you are constantly disciplining your teen you may eventually lose effectiveness or even a decent relationship with this child.  Allow your child some elbow-room on things that aren’t critical to their health and safety.  When it comes time for you to want to negotiate on an issue (e.g., you may not want your child to go to a certain place or friend’s house) perhaps you will negotiate better if you have previously made allowances in earlier situations.

Don’t threaten to give up on your child.  Many parents of older children will say this and if we believe that we are helping to build character and confidence in our children these kinds of threats are not helpful.  Your child should never think that you would for one second give up or withdraw your love or protection.

Be positive, listen to your children, set reasonable boundaries that are clearly explained and be consistent in the way you respond to behavioral issues.  Your child is paying attention to your response and may even repeat your disciplinary actions when he has a child of his own.  With that in mind don’t respond in a way that you wouldn’t want repeated.  The easy response is to yell or lash out.  The harder response is to discipline with respect for the child and with authority that can’t be mistaken. Raising and disciplining older children isn’t an art or science, but it is a responsibility that takes patience and love.  

Many individuals have chosen to use homeopathic remedies either as an alternative to traditional medicine or in conjunction with it.  Homeopathic remedies are attractive to many people because they are a non toxic system of medicine.

Homeopathy has been around since the 18th century and is practiced today by licensed physicians and other qualified prescribers.  This natural approach to healing and health care looks at remedies that can stimulate the body to turn on its own healing mechanisms as part of the process of returning the body to its homeostasis or balance.
Followers of the homeopathic tradition regard disease as the body’s own defensive attempt to correct its imbalance rather than as a foreign invader that must be destroyed.  Homeopathic remedies therefore seek to trigger the body’s own curative powers
Homeopathic remedies are created according to the “Law of Similars”.  This philosophy suggests that symptoms caused by ingesting or exposure to a substance in its raw form can be lessened or alleviated by taking the same substance (causing the symptoms) in a much more diluted form.  Substances are diluted with water, sugar or alcohol.

According to homeopathic principles, substances will have different properties and actions depending on the level of their concentration (low, medium or high).  Homeopathic remedies containing high concentrations suppress and low concentrations stimulate.
Following are ailments that many feel are best addressed through homeopathic means:
• depression
• anxiety
• allergies
• infections
• gynecological conditions
• skin conditions
• digestive problems
• chronic and acute conditions including colds and flu
Self-care using homeopathic remedies is sometimes practiced by those with moderate or short-term illnesses.  In those cases lower potencies are taken (6X, 6C, 12X, 12C, 30X, 30C). A 30 may act more quickly and with more intensity than a 6 and need fewer repetitions—but the higher the potency, the more precise the remedy choice must be to bring about the expected results. High potencies (past 30C) should only be used by those with formal homeopathic training or under the guidance of a health care professional.

Consensual Living or CL is based on the notion individuals in relationship with each other can exist in a way that avoids conflict through fair and democratic recognition of each others needs and effective communication.

CL is sometimes considered a parenting philosophy, where children are considered to have an equal say in family decision making.  This may either sound chaotic or unrealistic but by reviewing the principles of CL I think you’ll agree that it can form the basis for a family lifestyle that is not only balanced and nurturing but educational as well.

The main principles involved in CL are: equality, trust and self-determination.

Equality
In a family that has embraced consensual living, the principle of equality is very important.  What this means is that the thoughts, feelings and needs of each individual involved are equally valued and equally considered.

Each member of the community/family is not just considered equal they each must truly feel equal and that is an important distinction.

Trust
Direct, honest and sincere communication is an expectation of individuals choosing the consensual living lifestyle.  Each member of the family must trust that all members are being truthful when sharing their wants or needs or suggesting solutions to an issue or problem.

It is so important that in times of conflict, each member of the family trusts that together the family will arrive at a mutually agreeable solution.

Self-Determination
In this model or approach to living it is believed that only the individual is capable of making decisions that are right for him.  Of course it is hoped that each individual will have the ability to access the kind of information he or she needs to make informed decisions about the course of life they choose.

The principles of consensual living outlined above provide a foundation for parents to raise children this parenting approach and family lifestyle.  One reason why this is considered such an ideal parenting approach is because it is a lifestyle that supports effective conflict resolution.

Essentially we have children and/or teens and adults in a CL family who regard each other as equals, have explicit trust in one another, and feel empowered to make decisions about their own destiny.  This sounds wonderful but it also sounds like the kind of situation where you will have conflict – especially when there individuals pursuing their own self-determination goals.

CL can work beautifully in these situations.  Yes there will be differences of opinion since in a CL family each person will have an opportunity to communicate their particular need or vision and that may not be the same as another family member’s vision of need.  Those differences of opinion, however, are valued and considered because that is the basis for CL.

A family is then able to continue the exploration and discussion of each person’s perspectives until a mutually agreeable solution is reached.  The process won’t necessarily be quick or easy but it will be inclusive.  A wonderful benefit of this process is the impact that it has on younger children.  As children mature they are able to take these problem-solving abilities with them into other personal and business relationships.

When many parents consider homeschooling their children they often think the longest about all of the challenges that would face them as homeschooling parents. Often times the hardships, perceived and real, dwarf the benefits. Parents wonder how they will find the time to homeschool. They may doubt their ability to be a good teacher or instructor. Lack of socialization and structure may also be a concern.

What about the benefits though? Are they receiving the same consideration or do they get trumped by all of the potential hardships and problems? What are some of the benefits? Here are few things to consider:
Homeschoolers Can Work at Their Own Pace

The public schooling system is often times criticized for its failure to consider the individual needs and learning styles of each child. In classes with 20 or more students it is impossible for children to get the one on one attention they may need and it is easy for a child to be labeled as “slow” or learning disabled because they appear to be behind their peers academically. The problem with this thinking this that it does not consider the very real possibility that they are simply learning and working at their own normal pace and development. When one standard of excellence is forced upon all children then inevitably some children will fall behind and be made to feel inadequate. Homeschooling can be incredibly liberating for you and for your child when they are allowed to grow and learn on their own terms and at their own unique pace.  The one on one time you spend with your child may be just what he or she needs more than anything else.

Homeschooling Is Not Constrictive

Parents of publicly schooled children are all too familiar with pressure. Their lives are dictated by alarm clocks, bus schedules, lunch money, school activities, teacher’s conferences, homework, and bedtimes just to name a few. It may seem that public school is the easiest option for a busy parent but when all of the demands placed upon parents by the public schooling schedule are considered it starts to look more like a burden than a benefit. Homeschooling can be done on any schedule that works for your family.

Homeschooling Allows Parents to Teach Family Values

Parents of publicly schooled children will often be the first to tell you about how the issues that face young children in schools today are of great concern. Children are exposed to foul language, drugs, smoking, illegal activities, and sex just to name a few. Most parents would probably consider this peer top peer education to be inappropriate and lacking. Parents that homeschool are in the unique positioned to be the able to teach their children about these issues on their own terms and at the appropriate time without too much outside influence counteracting their instruction.

Homeschooling Can Increase Socialization for the Whole Family

The availability of homeschooling playgroups and support groups and other homeschooling activities such as travels to museums and historical areas of interest provide opportunities for socialization for everyone. More and more homeschooling parents are realizing that they don’t need to stay home and assist their child with workbook drills. They can take their children out of the home and benefit from real life experiences, meeting to new people, and seeing new things and places. The whole family benefits when learning is expanded in this way.

When considering homeschooling for your child it is easy to dwell on the hardships that may be presented by this choice but don’t forget that there are a lot of benefits too.

Parents around the world have “worn” their babies in various types of hand made slings for many years.  Today we use the term “babywearing” to describe a way of carrying or transporting our children that creates a positive experience for the parent and the child.

A stroller transports a baby from point A to point B.  But “babywearing” is more than a transport method.  It’s a beautifully creative way to meet the functional needs of daily life while serving the more emotional and developmental needs of baby and parents.  Babywearing is a very natural and human way to introduce our children to the world and to nurture their confidence.

New parents are often counseled by well meaning friends not to hold or pick up an infant too much for fear of spoiling him. So when the baby isn’t being fed, bathed or played with, he is “put down” to sleep. If the baby doesn’t want to sleep he might cry or might simply stare wide eyed at whatever is available to grab his attention—likely a mobile or some corner of the ceiling.

On the other hand, parents who use baby slings carry their child around with them throughout various parts of their day.  The child’s sleeping schedule fits in with mom or dads mobility schedule!

Many claim that babywearing results in children who cry less.  This claim has been observed in other cultures throughout the world where women carry their children around in slings as they go about their daily work or routine.

Advocates believe babies worn in a sling learn more and learn faster.  Sling babies spend more time in a state of “quiet alertness.”  This is a behavioral state in which an infant is calm and content and more likely to have real and positive interaction with his environment.  So during these periods as a child listens to his mother speak or watches others as they speak and gesture towards his mother he is learning about language and movement and social behaviors.

Experts believe that brain growth and development is spurred by the environmental experiences made a available to an infant who is carried in his parent’s sling.  Sling positioning (across the chest, along the hip, facing in or out) allows infants to be closer to people.  With this kind of proximity babies can study facial expressions, develop language skills and learn body language much faster than they would positioned in a car seat, stroller or crib. 

Some contend that parenting abilities are enhanced through babywearing because the mother’s progesterone (mothering hormone) is increased through the constant and close physical contact with her child. More progesterone can help a mother to feel more positive, relaxed and happy caring for her child.
Breastfeeding is another activity that can be enhanced by babywearing.  The positioning of the baby in the sling can make breastfeeding more comfortable and accessible for babies and mothers.  Depending on their physiology, some mothers can nurse “hands-free” while doing activities in the home or outside.  Where breastfeeding is not possible, babywearing can help to encourage closeness during bottle feeding.

One of the best things about babywearing is that it brings parents and their children together in a way that enhances the parent/child relationship and the natural development of the child.

The Moby Wrap!

A question from reader Jess:

My husband and I are having a hard time getting our 7 year old to clean his room. His room gets so bad that I am afraid someone will kill themselves trying to walk through it. Yesterday we decided he needed to clean it but he just wouldn’t do. He kept sneaking out or he sat and played in it and didn’t clean. We resorted to yelling and then eventually to a spanking and yet he still didn’t clean his room. I also felt terrible after he got spanked and he sat in his room sobbing. But he needs to be able to clean his room on his own. What should we have done differently?

Sorry that you are having such a tough time with this issue. Here are a few ideas to help avoid this scenario in the future.

First, it sounds as though your son’s room would take a lot of time to clean if it was as bad as you described. That was probably too much for a 7 year old to handle. Not only was the thought of cleaning that room overwhelming to him he may not have the skills required yet. I have a son about the same age and he can also let his room get out of control if we let it go too long. When that happens I go in and clean it with him, giving him jobs to do and showing him first hand how to get it clean. I don’t worry one bit that he won’t learn to clean it himself….how will he learn unless I repeatedly show him?

Before bed each night I also go in and do a quick once over for him..perhaps giving one job to do…like taking his laundry downstairs or picking up his art supplies. Doing this little bit each night helps us keep it from getting too bad. Cleaning his room together allows me to teach him how to clean and it allows me to see what activities and art projects he is working on and discuss them with him. We both enjoy this time spent together.

Next time your son’s room gets out of control get your hands dirty and clean it with him. I don’t think you are really afraid he won’t know how to clean a room as an adult if you help him as a child. So why worry about making him do it on his own? In fact, when my bedroom needs cleaned I often ask the kids to help me out or my husband and I do it together. I CAN clean it on my own but it goes much faster and it is more enjoyable if I have help. Just put yourself in your children’s shoes….if it was your room would you want to be stuck in there cleaning it all day by yourself? Probably not.

Giving birth to a child is one of the most memorable and meaningful experiences in a woman’s life. One of the important decisions a woman will make about the experience is whether to deliver her child the natural way or with medication.  Sometimes a choice isn’t possible as nature and circumstances have a way making the decision for us.  But for women trying to plan ahead for a natural childbirth, understanding the benefits of this choice can be helpful.

A natural childbirth is one that attempts to lessen medical intervention, in particular the use of anesthetic medications.  Expectant mothers hear often about the great pain of childbirth and why it is “unnecessary” to go through such pain.

Natural birth advocates argue that in a healthy situation, pain is often nature’s way of guiding the mother through the labor process.  In other aspects of our health care we become concerned when there is pain—we don’t just simply cover it up.  For instance persistent headaches, or back aches or leg pain, etc., is usually followed up with a visit to the doctor who may at that point uncover the source of the pain which in some instances is a serious health issue.

Pain during the labor may be nature’s way of telling the mother to shift her position to ease the baby into the right position for delivery.  For example, having back pain during labor is believed to be a sign that the baby might be in a posterior position which requires rotating. Women experiencing this pain will tend to move themselves off of their backs and in this “natural” way they may in fact be helping to move the baby to a better position for delivery.

One of the difficult aspects of a medicated birth is that the nerve blocking or pain reduction medication can limit the mother’s ability to move around.  On the other hand mothers experiencing natural labor can walk around freely and change the positions of their body as needed.

Knowing when to push and when to stop pushing is an important part of the labor process. Mothers who labor naturally can respond to the vital indicators that their body is sending them and this allows them to push better and faster.  Studies have shown that mothers who are given an epidural (an anesthetic that numbs the body from the belly button down) often have prolonged labors.

Many women who have a natural birth say that their recovery was faster and easier because they were able get themselves up out of bed sooner. Some women are even able to eat right away.  This isn’t often the case when a woman receives medication to numb labor pain.

Babies also benefit from a healthy natural delivery.  Research has shown that in cases where the mother has natural childbirth, the babies are more alert take to breast feeding earlier and more readily.

There are many important benefits associated with natural childbirth.  Ultimately the choice should be a pressure-free one that is based on an understanding of what is involved and the health condition of the mother.   A point to keep in mind is that many mothers who choose natural childbirth attribute their positive experience to the support of their health practitioner, partner and/or family.

More Reading: Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way

It’s raining (or snowing) cats and dogs. You can’t send the kids out to play, but you would prefer that they not zone out in front of the TV or the computer for the next five hours. Good for you. How can you keep your kids entertained on a day like this?

One of the things that modern parents struggle with is the need to get things done and also spend quality time with children, and it’s not always easy with children complaining that they are bored every ten minutes. This is where you’ve hopefully trained them, and yourself, to be creative.

Here are some great ways to entertain your kids in the “old-fashioned” way. You might have to get them started, or even play along, but it will be good for them and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that your children are learning to use their natural creativity and curiosity.

• Make a fort – get chair and sheets or blankets and show them how to build a fort. With some creativity, they can make rooms and will have a wonderful time.

• Read – Get out the storybooks and read to them if they are little, or have them read to you if they are older and learning. This is a great way to remind them of the power a book can have to transport a person to far-away places for fun and adventure.

• Paint – Finger paints, anyone? Create works of art on paper or poster board and display them when they are dry.

• Cookies – Make some cookies, or a cake or some bread. This is an age-old fun way to spend a couple hours. It gives you bonding time with your kids and they have fun. Later, you can have a snack (maybe while all watching your favorite TV show together – oops! There’s the TV, again).

• Help with dinner – Get out the recipe book and have your kids help you make dinner. Show them how measure ingredients and follow the directions. Make sure to show them how to clean up as they go, so there won’t be a huge mess after the feast has been prepared.

• Science projects – Go online and do a search for “rainy day science projects” or “science projects to do at home”. You will find a ton of easy and fun things the kids can do. They will learn something new, too!

• Repot plants – Get your hands dirty and show them how to properly repot plants that have grown out of the pots they’re in. Spread some newspaper on the floor, get out some potting soil and get to work.

• Plant seeds – If you have some clear plastic cups (not earth friendly, but they serve a purpose here), you can put some potting soil in them, and have your kids plant some seeds, preferably beans or sunflowers or another large type of seed. Even though the seeds won’t sprout immediately, in a few days, they will be able to see new life.

• Write letters (not emails) – Get out some paper and crayons, colored pencils or pens and have the kids write real letters to Grandma and Grandpa, or a cousin or friend who lives far away. They will have fun writing and decorating a special letter, and hopefully receiving a real letter in return.

If you use your own creativity and even think back to fun things you did as a child, you can probably come up with more great ideas for entertaining your children without the use of a TV, computer, or video game. Good luck!

Two year olds get a bad rep. Everywhere you look and listen you read and hear about the so-called “Terrible Twos.” To be fair, many young tots are going through a phase of disequilibrium at age 2 1/2, according to many child development experts.

Add to that the fact that most parents are trying to potty train at this age, and Mom may be pregnant or already have another child, and it’s no wonder the 2’s can be a bit challenging.

Here are a few tips to help you deal with your toddler and even enjoy this phase!

1) Remember that a toddler is nothing more than a baby on wheels.
Meaning, toddlers are active and can get into a whole lot of trouble, fast… yet they’re still so immature emotionally. That’s why tantrums are so common at this age. Toddlers have a hard time dealing with the overwhelming emotions they experience. Reading about the developmental milestones children are reaching at this age can help.
2) Don’t forget babywearing. Or perhaps we should call it Toddlerwearing!
Wearing your 2 to 3 year old in a soft cloth carrier, backpack or sling can still be a huge lifesaver. When your toddler is tired, overstimulated or otherwise out of sorts, wearing them will help them to settle down and maybe even go to sleep! The same is certainly true of breastfeeding. Dubbed “baby Prozac” by many, nursing can soothe the boo-boos and help a reluctant napper settle down.
3) Take care of Mom.
By the time the baby is a toddler, we moms often expect life to get back to “normal”. We think that we should have it all together, be back at our prepregnancy weight, and have the house spotless like it was before baby came into the picture. This is unrealistic, especially for a mom who is expecting another baby and caring for a 2 year old! Life with a toddler is often more fatiguing because toddlers are heavier, require more supervision and discipline, and now that they’re mobile they create much more housework too!
Mom would do well to not expect too much of herself and to make sure she’s taking a break from her duties once in awhile.  Most toddlers are getting closer to their Dads and Grandparents, so asking these loving people to take over for a few hours so you can read a book, exercise or nap is a priority.

Doing so means she’ll have fresh energy and perspective to devote to her favorite little person – her busy, intense and lovable 2 year old.