As parents of preschoolers or one who spends time with them, you may be at a loss for how to deal with preschool temper tantrums. Using the following ideas may give you the tools you need to deal with temper tantrums effectively and have a better behaved child, too.

Why do preschoolers have temper tantrums in the first place? You expect toddlers to have them when they’re unable to communicate their wants or needs, but preschoolers should be past that, shouldn’t they? Actually, understanding why a preschooler has tantrums can be the first step in knowing how to deal with them.

Preschoolers are toddlers with a year or more life behind them, so it’s not unusual for them to have tantrums for the same reasons. Those reasons include:

* Being tired due to too much activity
* Being hungry while on the go
* Not getting what they want when they want it
* Being angry or frustrated
* Feeling neglected and wanting attention
* Wanting to be able to do things for themselves but not being able to yet

How you handle temper tantrums now may play a large part in how your preschooler acts when he or she gets older. Incorrect handling could very well lead to behavior problems in the future. While having tantrums is a normal part of your preschooler’s development, how you choose to react and deal with them is entirely up to you.

No matter how embarrassing your preschooler acts in public, don’t give in to them. It’s important for them to learn that a melt down is not the way to get what they need and or want. You’ll also want to be sure to tell them you love them and you’re telling them “no” for a good reason.

Try to do your best to stay cool during this trying circumstance. Tell your child you understand they are frustrated, hungry, or tired. Ask them to calm down and help you decide how to work it out. They need to know you’ll listen and that you want to help them learn to deal with their own frustrations. If they calm down, give them a toy you brought from home to distract them until you can finish what you’re doing.

You can model good behavior for them by not losing your cool or raising your voice, no matter how much you might want to. If you can remain calm in the face of a preschooler in the middle of a meltdown, your demeanor may calm them down, too. Reacting poorly yourself may encourage the child to throw more tantrums because it shows their behavior will elicit a response.

Remove the child from the location if you have to, even if that means leaving a full buggy of groceries at the front of the store. (You can tell them you’ll be back when your child has calmed down; maybe they won’t restock everything while you’re gone.) Put your preschooler in their car seat and tell them you won’t go back into the store until they calm down and can act politely. Then sit with them quietly and calmly until their mood improves.

As a parent or caregiver of a preschooler, you want to know how to deal with their temper tantrums. Remember to bring along a snack or something for your preschooler to do if you’re going to be away from home for a while. This may help you avoid a temper tantrum which is better than having to deal with it.

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Separation anxiety can be hard on toddlers and parents alike. There are some steps you can take to minimize the anxiety.

1. Prepare your toddler
While your toddler can not have an adult-level conversation with you, he can probably understand more than you think. Using simple, frank words, talk to him about where you’re going and what will be happening. Make sure you also stress that you will return. You can practice with a toy – have your child’s toy “leave” for a little while, then return it to him. This at least gets him used to the concept of departure and return. Remember, this is new for him.

2. Visit the caregiver and place ahead of time
Develop a relationship with your child’s caregiver, and familiarize your toddler with the childcare center if she is going there. Have the babysitter over to your home for a visit on a day when you aren’t going out, and when you visit the care center make it a fun outing. Your toddler will come to associate the caregiver or center with positive feelings.

3. Don’t have a meltdown yourself
Keep your own attitude up-beat and calm. Your toddler, after all, looks to you for reassurance. She doesn’t necessarily know if a situation is cause for panic or fear and will look to you to see what it’s all about.

4. Don’t sneak out
It may be tempting to slip out the door unnoticed when your toddler is otherwise occupied, but this can actually make separation anxiety worse. If your toddler thinks you could disappear at any moment, she will respond with even greater clinginess.

5. Respect the feelings
It is scary for toddlers when you leave. Help your toddler identify the often overwhelming, scary feeling of separation anxiety by naming it. “I know it feels scary and sad when Mommy goes away. That means you miss me. I understand that feeling.” Then assure her that you will return.

6. Make a smooth transition
Using a timer can be helpful here. Have the babysitter come to your house early, and then set a timer that will “count down” the minutes until you leave. Remind your toddler often during the count down – “In ten/five minutes Mommy will leave.” Let the babysitter interact with your toddler during this time, gradually transitioning the care over to the sitter.

7. Have the toddler leave you
Have the babysitter take your toddler for a walk or outing at the same time you are leaving. He will see you getting into your car as he goes with the sitter down the street. Psychologically, this helps toddlers cope with being left.

8. Have a special treat associated with the caregiver
On “babysitter night” or “daycare days,” let your child have a special toy or some other treat that you only give when she is with a caregiver. Hopefully, she will come to associate the caregiver situation with the special treat.

The term “attachment parenting” is credited to Dr. William Sears, a pediatrician, and his wife, Martha Sears, a nurse. Attachment parenting, or AP, is a natural form of parenting, which means it will look different in different families. Because AP is more about a state of mind than a parenting method, it is not a “one size fits all” approach to parenting. Nonetheless, there are some trademarks and characteristic of AP that help define and clarify what it is. But even these traits will vary among families.

1. Gentle birth
AP advocates believe that attachment begins at birth – actually, before birth. Attachment parenting begins with research about birth, infant development, and as much information about how the process works as possible. AP parents try for a natural birth, with emphasis on the mother-infant bond.

2. Breastfeeding
This is one of the key components to AP. It is one of the major means by which an attached baby gets his needs met – nutritionally, emotionally, and physically. AP parents do not feed their babies on a schedule, but nurse their infants as the need arises. The benefits of this breastfeeding relationship are not just for the baby; the mother benefits greatly from the “happy hormones” secreted during breastfeeding, and from the knowledge that she is doing much to enhance her baby’s development.

3. Responsiveness
AP parents do not believe that a baby is manipulative or that a baby can be “spoiled.” On the contrary, the AP mindset is one of responsiveness to the infant, responding to cries by meeting needs. Babies can’t talk, so crying is their only way to communicate a stress, need, or discomfort.

4. Closeness
It has been discovered among babies in orphanages that those who are not touched fail to thrive or even die. Touch is incredibly important for a baby’s development, and AP embraces that concept to the fullest, advocating keeping the baby nearby at night and in a sling during the day.

Co-sleeping, or sharing sleeping space, is part of the goal of closeness among AP parents. A baby’s night-time needs are most easily met when the baby is close by. This is a lot easier on the mother, too.

AP parents believe that forming strong attachments in infancy will give children a sense of security and set the stage for lasting, strong relationships later in life. The basic idea is that an attached child will learn to trust his parents and will therefore develop a sense of security. AP advocates claim that attached children are confident and socially adept, and are able to form strong relationships of their own. That is the basic goal of AP – relationships.

One of the key components of attachment parenting is the family bed. This refers to the sharing of sleeping space among family members, and particularly denotes a mother being physically close to her baby during the night. “Co-sleeping” refers to sleeping in close proximity to one’s baby or child, and could simply mean sleeping in the same room; “bed-sharing,” on the other hand, is literally that – family members sleep in the same bed. Therefore, the family bed does not have to be one enormous mattress; it can be whatever arrangement works for a family that fosters attachment.

The family bed has many physical and emotional benefits, with some cross-overs. Among the emotional benefits are increased trust on the part of the infant, emotional well-being for the mother, and a stable relationship between parent and child (thus setting the stage for healthy relationships later in life). Following is a list of these benefits explained in more detail.

1. Trust
A baby does not understand that you are still “there” when he is sleeping in another room. He may become fearful and distrustful if he wakes at night and his mother is not available. A baby who has his needs met consistently – day or night – learns to trust his parents. The family bed makes the mother available to nurse the baby or simply provide physical contact. The baby then comes to trust his parents and develops a sense of security.

2. If mama’s not happy…
Have you ever heard the saying, “If Mama’s not happy, then nobody’s happy”? There is some truth to that statement! A mother who participates in the family bed gets more sleep than a mother who gets up multiple times during the night, thus making her refreshed and in a much better mood. Also, a mother’s nursing through the night produces “happy hormones” that bond her with her baby and make her feel content.

3. Relationship
The family bed fosters strong relationships. For mothers or fathers who work all day, this may be the only time they get to have physical “cuddle time” with their child. And, once again, the family bed facilitates the breastfeeding relationship, which fosters important, healthful bonds that set the stage for healthy, functional relationships later in life.

4. The human pacemaker
While this is a physical benefit, its emotional ramifications are significant. Statistics show that babies who sleep in a family bed arrangement are far less likely to die of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) than those babies left to sleep alone (this is why SIDS is also called “crib death” or “cot death”). In countries where bed-sharing is common (such as India), SIDS is virtually unknown.

When a baby experiences SIDS, she simply stops breathing inexplicably. Studies from as far back as the mid-1900s have shown that babies who sleep with their mothers actually match their breathing patterns to the mother’s – she is like a human pacemaker for her baby’s breathing. Current research supports these studies from the first half of the 20th century.

While society is still coming to terms with accepting the family bed, the important thing is to choose what is right for your family. There are many benefits to the family bed, and many nay-sayers are simply unaware of such benefits.